It’s my first recipe by all means use it or copy it (I did, from the internet, so officially it’s not mine, having said that, all the ingredients are mine as are the implements of cuisine so i’m claiming it)

In days past I would have started a recipe with these words:

Open a can of Stella, spark up a fag if so desired. (Those words from a friend too; I haven’t an original bone in my body).

I’m going to use the measurements of a Jedi so to a certain extent you have to use the force and if you’re not upto it then you are not ready.

I’m also not in the habit of taking pictures of my food, but this post is concerning food, so I am going to make an exception, Dr S, take heed of this recipe, its bloody wonderful.

1. Get hold of a big onion, 10 cloves of garlic, maybe a few more you can never have enough garlic, and 100g of ginger. Blend it all up in a processor until it is a paste.
2. Heat up 100ml of veg oil and cook the paste for 5 minutes, once it has softened somewhat add some chillis, its up to you, I put in 4 Birdseye, but reserve the right to add more in the last 1/2 hour or so according to how tough you are or how much you want your bottom to hurt on Sunday. Add some curry leaves, a small handful or some Bay leaves, add a little salt, 4 tablespoons of mild curry powder and a few thyme sprigs. Leave this for 5 minutes or so.
3. Add 700g of goat or mutton and mix it in well browning the meat, once that is done you add a can of chopped tomatoes and 300ml of lamb stock, bring to the boil for a few minutes and then turn the heat down and simmer for 2 1/2 hours.
4. At this point you’ve got a window of opportunity to do whatever you fancy. I’m writing this blog, then I’m going to try and get out of having to clean the kitchen floor, we’ve got friends coming round and so it’s the kind of thing a responsible adult would do. You could take the dog for a walk which I am also going to do and possibly even fit in a swift half (It’s a pint really but such a wonderful turn of phrase)
5. I’ve moved into the future, lets pretend I’ve taken my muddy boots off and feel satisfied I managed to squeeze in a pint, the curry has been simmering for 2 1/2 hours and it tastes amazing, which it really does. I’m now, somewhat controversially going to put in a drained can of kidney beans, the juice of 1/2 a lemon (you may as well use a whole lemon unless you have a naked G&T which needs dressing, in which case shove it in the Gin, I would) Add a small bunch of coriander, but again coriander (its called something else in America) you can never have enough of this wonderful stuff so fill your boots (not literally and not the muddy ones previously mentioned). If you fancy more chilli, put it in here.
6. Cook for about another 1/2 hour and serve with some flatbread, naan, roti, whatever you want and get some rice on the go, lemon rice will, of course, be magnificent.
7. Enjoy it with some more ale, don’t smoke it’s not pleasant