Daughter is back from Uni, and the house is filling up for a fun weekend of casual racism and misunderstandings; not because my daughter is home, but because the Big Cheese, mob mother is being picked up and airdropped into Clifton to ruffle some feathers.

Ive just spend a night in the room formerly known as the coldest room in the world now going through its summer transition into the hottest, least airless place on earth. Thank fuck it was just heating up last night.

Theres massive gaps under the front door, the patio doors are flakey, the blinds won’t shut, or won’t open once shut, blu tan helps to hold things together and when I tried to water the garden last night the hose attachment was split in a thousand different places, which seems hard to believe, its only small, and succeeded in soaking me, who came here unprepared for that sort of eventuality. Whilst I was out hosing an alliance of some sort over “The Chase” was formed between Grandmother and Daughter, not in part to my Mums fondness for Shane Richie (the presenter, don’t google it, theres a cost of living crisis to worry about).

We’re going back today, Mum is paranoid that she needs cash, so she’s plundered her stash in the cupboard which holds the guns and diamonds. I’ve mentioned the concept of cash machines but she’s unsure, possibly a fear driven by the scaremongering Daily Mail whose headlines she churns out verbatum when faced with a political discussion. This is the person who will never change her mind politically and accepts the status quo as a trough, which will inevitably be followed by a peak. But how much is the trough created and deepened by politicians actions, that is the question.

God I hate her politics, and will be glad to talk about gardens and “this being a nice pub”. Its a shame she’s not any closer to us, and almost offered us her house last night to live in, but we’ve got friends and a life in Clifton (not the Bristol one) just as she does here, the difference is she needs slightly more help than we do at the moment.

“Use a cash machine in Worcestershire??!!”

“When the house gets too much”