My Gut said it’s going to be an expensive weekend, my head too. We had tickets to Ascot, with our dear friends L&B, the racecourse where they race horses, sometimes in front of the Queen, but never again because, well you’ve followed the news;  I think she lives or used to live opposite or near some park nearby, I know her son had often been seen leaping out of the bushes in a state of abandon, presumably the brambles ripped his tracksuit bottoms. Anyway the racing it was, so armed with a wallet of dubious financial use, some rolling tobacco to fuel my dubious habit (giving up soon, honest) and some stickers of dubious taste, used to stick on unsuspecting folk in unsuspecting places. Like touch the Tache, but with stickers.

Ascot for those who don’t know, is a smart set up, to mask the absolute devilry and depravity which goes on inside. Behind the quintessential facade of suits and sporting banter is a game of desperation and chance. Ask any 5 racing pundits which horse is going to win a particular race and you’ll get 5 replies. It’s pure chance, try telling a horse to win a race and they’ll look at you with sadness. Why the long face? 

Missed the first race, and kind of agreed in my head that we would be prepared to bet around £50 between us, the other £50 going on drinks, because the south east is just soooo cheap. First race: 4 horses, each a £5 to win, the winner comes in before Id a chance to sit down: 40-1!

So we win £200.

Next race 4 horses, £5 on each to win: we win, 

We Win

WE Win

WE WIN!!!

We win 5 races in a row, same system, look at the names, find the ones that speak to you, then put £5 to win. On a wallet containing £100, we spent all of that and won back about £520, something like that. So a successful day out, an enjoyable day out and a system learnt which is just as good as any other chancer’s. 

Driven in for about 1:30, left by 6pm, back in our friends house at 7:30 with a Chinese takeaway for everyone. Then off to the pub just in time to see England get beaten in the last couple of minutes by the South Africans, well I say see, but all I ended up doing was looking rather creepily over the shoulder of a couple of girls at a neighbouring table, I must remember as a 50+ year old man, that is not a cool look, wear a cap, stay anonymous.

Night