I spent sometime in a supermarket today queuing at a sandwich franchise who rents a spot in front of the cold meats, olives and even upto the fish section, depending on how busy or how slow the staff are working.

Subway, like masturbation, is a dirty habit, giving small relief only to be overrun by feelings of self loathing and depressing weariness. Another drink, another wank, another sandwich to try and alleviate the feelings of denial after a few pints the night before or the onset of a cold or even, and I haven’t looked too deeply into this yet) a depressing, damaging and embarrassing position of government. My problem was the illness, the thick head, the blocked nose, sitting indoors wasn’t going to get me anywhere despite the rain so I head out like a brave soldier to Worcester to do my job, from the car in case you’re interested.

I go to Subway, once every two months roughly, and usually always with a hangover, so I’m fully aware of the menu set up and pretty confident as to what I’m having. The queue was long, I waited and leant against the chicken fridge, having to move momentarily for COOP customers to chose thursday some dinner meat, there weren’t many to be fair, and with another local shop closing down I wouldn’t bet against Subway propping the shop up. This was enough for me so I left and walked back across the rainy car park to get into my car to go and do another job nearby from my car, turns out I couldn’t so I went back to the shop.

The queue’s shorter, theres an older couple looking pretty cagey don’t think they were trying to steal anything or hold up the shop, I just think the conversations between the customers and the operative were so confusing they decided to get a ham sandwich and fruit salad from the “Food to Go” cabinet, they’ve got great Chardonnay Vinegar and Salt crisps at the COOP, but not so much in the smaller bags these days, a large bag leaves me feeling as described earlier, great for the temporary alleviation of a hangover but afterwards the fear kicks in. I’m the last lunchtime customer, the penultimate customer has ordered a new and tasty looking sandwich and very soon realises he can’t change the salads offered with the sandwich, despite the operative having to select the various leaves and greenery from adjacent trays.

“Its the Rules of the new Sandwich ” she said, immediately realising what she said was utterly ridiculous but sticking to the party line, I imagine this happens several times a day, I saw something similar a few customers previous, but wasn’t really listening. Standing in the meat and sundries aisle isn’t much fun. I chose a small “6” Sub”, a spicy Italian on Italian Herbs and Cheese, she overloaded it and I pumped in far too much Chipotle sauce to mask the awful taste of the spicy Italian. Plus the recently discovered Spicy Chipotle Sauce and the old fave Chilli Sauce have been removed, it seems to me this dynamic new way of working has lost a customer, seems I’ll be giving up this dirty irregular habit.