Its getting hotter and hotter, my armpits like the inside of a sweaty oven, not a pleasant image I’m sure you will agree, apart from the deviants among you, who, of course, I pander to.

The band of lunatic families is tightening, over Efes, and the decision whether or not to have steak, its an increasingly important decision, the costs escalate as the Turkish Lira plummets, 42 to the £ now, almost doubling in 2 years since we were last here. Still cheaper than Blighty; a medium rare fillet with Roquefort sauce about £20, you’d pay a quarter of that just for the sauce.

Our son arrives in Turkey a boy and leaves a man, as there was confusion in the booking process, its either misspelling his name or forgetting his birthday, you’ll understand when you get to my age.  He’s taken to drinking ice cold lager with an ice cold glass the coaster sticking to the bottom of the tankard dripping water onto chino shorts giving the impression of him having a little accident, once again you’ll understand when you get to my age, in this situation you have to sit tight until the incessant heat dries the wet patch.

We miscalculated the amount of Efes we took on the boat trip, thinking 10 cans each would be sufficient, it was more than ample soaked in £4 cans of sprite and wobbling sun drenched passengers. The boat was rusting, pieces falling off when a diver stood on the railings, the pilot wasn’t even able to crack a smile until he saw how much pop was being consumed. We stopped off at Cleopatra’s island, a wedding gift from Mark Anthony, the ungrateful bitch couldn’t abide the sand so had some imported from Egypt, some people don’t know they’re born honestly.

Away from all this paddle boarding has been a success, getting in at the river just down the hill from the hotel, kneeling on the board in the punishing relentless early morning  sunshine glistening off the surface, sparkling molecules of mixed life giving minerals jostling for position as they are swept down river deposited in the deep azure sea like diamond staples falling through the deep. Think I’ll do it tomorrow.