Its been a while, been overwhelmed with work pointlessness and the son’s party happening this saturday. Wouldn’t be so bad; 38 teenagers coming round, but the day after we host a dinner party for 8, so with sore heads and a lack of a quiet place to go, we’ve got to go elsewhere, which may mean pub or friends or both, probably both. Theres no doubt been other stuff going on but nothing important enough to reflect upon. Unless of course you’re interested in the proper pub crawl undertaken on Saturday with proper rules of one drink in every pub until home time, no getting comfortable, no making friends unless we bring them with us… Which is of course what we did.

Sneaking back from last orders at a repeat pub, but not two in a row; there must have been a mile between visits, then onto the taxi rank, persuading our new friend, the chap, that it would be brilliant to head back to my friends house, out of town, to listen to tunes and chuck more beer down our throats. The witching hour came and went, and our abductee was making sounds about going home to start work in 5 hours. Uber came, and went. And I woke up on a sofa, in my clothes, covered in a fluffy blanket and surrounded by a stench of stale beer. There is more to the story, most of it positively illegal which in part involving being picked up and taken to watch my son play Rugby until antiques roadshow on Sunday evening, stinking of death, in the same clothes, and with a bastard behind the eyes. The days of performing the walk of shame the day after the night before rang true as I watched the crops glide by; a passenger in my own car just as dusk was falling. Never again, until the next time, then rinse and repeat. But Christ what a hangover. Monday was dreadful, Tuesday inconvenient, and just as I was coming up smiling on Wednesday I had my mid term work review.

Weirdly I had to work until 10 on the Tuesday night so needed talking down first thing by my work colleague.

“Nothing works, everything is shit, there’s no money, what the hell are my objectives, It is what it is, do I have to prepare for my review?”

I needed to get a grip my boss is usually pleasant enough, her eyes look a little too close together and she has a habit of twisting her hair, but she’s nice and friendly. Today in my fragile state, mangled by operating systems crashing for literally hours yesterday afternoon until bedtime had taken its toll and I was told I had issues with file management, in so far that I’d called a folder by an incorrect name once, maybe twice this year was enough to send me over the edge. Then she showed me some statistics which didn’t differentiate between different types of work and geographical location and situation, which in my line of work is extremely important. It also didn’t take into account the time spent doing a different type of Job that I used to which doesn’t produce the tangible results that I used to produce, in short I’m doing a different job and no one is counting how much time I take to do it, and so the figures she has are skewed a fuck load, not to mention I had a load of other work taken from me a year ago to allow me to concentrate on this new job I’m doing. Weirdly I took offence to this and as a consequence she said that maybe she wouldn’t show me these figures again, it wasn’t important she said as our annual review is decided on attitude and input. Maybe this was all just a test of my personality under pressure, in fact even if this wasn’t what this review was intended for, it did just that. So I’ve come home with a newly rekindled hatred for my company, not my boss, she’s ok, but the whole fucking system. Just imagine not being told if you would get a pay rise, what your objectives are and how you could get a pay rise if you even knew what your objectives were in the first place. 

I’m starting to find this company all very peculiar, and doubting my sanity for staying in a job where the future is unsure. What is there to strive for, if no one can tell me what I have to strive for, targets change from month to month and no one is willing to take responsibility for this appalling operating system we’ve now had for nigh on 2 years.

Maybe its me who’s insane and I should be pleased to actually have a job in this tricky times, getting out of this madhouse would be preferable, not altogether pleasurable and most definitely not practical.

“It is what it is” which is what they say, but that doesn’t help anyone in any way, its just fluff.