It’s all been a little bit, not confusing, but overwhelming, but not in a way I can explain recently. Mum moved up here, my 87 year old Mum, into a beautiful home (she’s very lucky) in a village where she knows only myself and its too fucking wet to get to the church so she can’t meet the church warden who, allegedly is far too controlling. But thats by the by, she’s healthy, and since I had no choice but to be sent to a boarding school I haven’t visited my Mum. this much since I was 12; 42 years ago.

It’s a relationship I have never had but one I am thoroughly embroiled within. Reader… Its ok.

So my 2 month hiatus was in part due to maternal babysitting, it’s an odd feeling. I feel responsible, yet her inability to listen to the instructions as to how she should use her hearing aid is in itself a weird kind of aural vicious circle, a möbius band, on and on and on, lets see a doctor and see what they say.

Theres so much I have to learn about old people, Mum had a fine old time today , and has had fine old times recently but after about 90 minutes she seems to close herself off and stare into space. I blame the hearing but Mrs T said it could be the social battery running out, which needs recharging. I’m wondering if I should set Mum tasks; getting her to take the bins out for example. I forgot to take them out tonight and she called me asking me which one it was tomorrow, green or black. I told her black, she said she’d take it out, I said I’d pop round first thing to do it, but then I thought it might be a good thing to get her to do it? I don’t know. I’d like her to exercise and improve her health but don’t wish her to do herself an injury.

Tomorrow there will undoubtably be another issue.