May 22nd 2018.

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Today was a lovely sunny morning, after last nights torrential downpours which put paid to Mrs T’s running for a time. I’ve started running, when i say started I mean just that, I ran on Monday morning at the ridiculous time of 5:35am with my daughter to get the car from a friends house. We had left it there on Sunday night when she invited us for fizz , pizza and giggles. So we set off for the first time in months, probably the best part of the year, and it was a bit of a struggle to say the least, but as ever, reaching home is always really my favourite part of the run, the rest is just grimacing, grunting and coughing up shit. The cup of tea after the run whilst sat on my bed is always incredibly satisfying.

Anyway N has been banging on for ages about how he fancied getting back into it and D expressed an interest in possibly joining him on the activity. I think we both were sizing each other up as to style, stamina and speed before we agreed to the arrangement, and anyway N didn’t have a suitable pair or running shoes so we couldn’t go. But on Monday morning who should turn up with a new pair of trainers, with elastic laces which tighten automatically and you don’t have to tie them, verily I have seen into the future and it is day-glo and laceless. So that was that, the die was cast and after wrangling over start times and routes we decided on 6:20am, out side the new inn.

The alarm went off and I squeezed out every last minute in bed that I could and then without warming up, the weather was pretty nice, the sun had risen, off I went. Up at the pub was N and Misty pottering around and off we went, down the hill, through the water meadows to the end of the woods, up the very steep hill ( we walked a lot here) and then back to the tall trees and down back to Froggers. 2.73miles in 30 minutes 46 seconds. Not great but it’s a start and the pace was up on yesterdays car fetch, so that’s a good thing. I burnt 499 calories too which I put straight back on by guzzling a load of crisps on my way to work!

The full team were here today, but tomorrow M is off to Tenerife for a week! None of us, including M have the faintest idea why he is going there, it is totally top secret; what goes on tour stays on tour. The tadpoles are well and truly gone and were it not for my potentially award winning photography over the past months you, reader, may never have known any different. In fact if you haven’t read this then whey would you know anyway? I was listening to some music by Pye Corner Audio yesterday which Mrs T was unconvinced with, I explained to her that it was a recording of a live FM broadcast which was only possible to receive if you stood in this very remote wood in Scotland, if you weren’t there then you wouldn’t know about it, this is sometimes how I regard my blog thinking too of the analogy of a tree falling in the wood not making a noise  unless someone is around to hear it.

I guess i’ll just have to suck it up or advertise something, just let me know what you want and i’ll think about it.

So back to the tadpoles we half expected, more hope really, to see some tadpoles squeezing themselves out of the primordial swampy puddles after the rains, this of course didn’t happen; the tadpoles are now part of the shit of the predators who have eaten them. Sad.

Today  M was telling us that Trepanning heads was first conceived in Tenerife to release the pressure of the brain by cutting off the top of the skull to prevent the brain from popping and oozing from the ears and nose, which would have been horrific. I’d never heard of this aside from in particularly grizzly horror films when they scalp someone, I think Hannibal Lecter does it in the silence of the lambs while he’s feasting on some poor sod’s brains; Disgusting. Anyway an off shoot of this is that N seems to know what sort of procedures would be best for this sort of operation, which I think stems from watching far too much Holby City or 24 Hours in A&E or some such. We really do carry a massive amount of useless and useful information in our heads, but most of it isn’t easy to bring to mind when the time is right.

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Oh and I got to work here today, before my batteries ran out and my pint was finished!I’m living the fucking dream I tell ya!

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