February 22nd 2019


Feeling a bit spaced this morning, not quite with it, thinking there’s something in the water, something creeping up on me to strike me down, well slightly ill, I haven’t had a cold for a while and so am probably due, these things go in cycles you know. So myself and Benny started off as usual by trying to get past the cars as quickly as possible lest I decide that we’re going to drive round the woods; honestly what does he think I’m going to do? We always walk at this time, we always walk past the cars across the drive through the gap in the hedge to the grassy triangle which houses the post box, remember the episode in the blog when it was stolen? Yep, look it up, the pictures are there but no index so make sure you’ve got time to read, I suspect it was early summer 2018 but don’t quote me. There’s also a phone box which was mothballed and then adopted for £1 and now it’s a defibrillator (In England this is not an uncommon thing, first the phone boxes were used to make phone calls and people pissed in them, then they became book swapping posts and people pissed in them, now its a defibrillator and I haven’t pissed in it but i’m willing to bet someone probably has, nothing is sacred over here, we’re a nation without enough public toilets and also far too many hedges and gateways to fields which people take a stern view of people stopping in or by; generally these people are either checking their phones or if they’re not in the car they are pissing behind it. Anyway my point about the phone box is that no one has stolen it yet.

But today. Oh my goodness, someone (the guy who lives in the house next to the grassy triangle adorned with post box phone box, many “do not park here” wooden posts, a public footpath sign, a rock at the pointed end (its a triangle dummy) 2 “no parking signs”, a bus stop sign with timetable and a young but very tall conker tree, which we used to tie Benny up to when waiting for the school bus prior to the morning walk, we used to hang the children’s school bags onto the branches, Benny dug a large trench in front of the tree as well.) Yes someone has cut the conker tree and it is now but a stump, which you can see in this picture.

Vandals. The man who lives next door does not own the tree, or the triangle it is on; No that is owned by the people who live up the track, an old couple who have such a beautiful place in an idyllic setting who complain about the number of walkers walking past their house every day (maybe 12 daily max!!) In my estimation they have reached that point in their life when they need to start tidying things up, cleaning things, putting things in piles and throwing stuff out of the house, spring clearing but on a permanent basis, never to replace anything theta they throw out to show their friends how organised they still are and how spic and span everything is in their world.

Well, I’ve news for you, the countryside needs young trees, it was not blocking anyones light, we’ve got probably hundreds of thousands of trees in this village and surrounding countryside, I don’t know how many because I haven’t counted them, C was considering counting the leaves earlier on in the year, maybe counting the trees would be easier and certainly more sensible.

To say it was a shock seeing the lack of Horse Chestnut above the waist certainly was a poor surprise and you should be ashamed of yourselves you bloody murderous ransackers. To top it off they’ve planted some snowdrops in the trench Benny dug; I’m not holding my breath but i’d wager he’ll have a go at those come Monday at the bus stop.

fullsizeoutput_1985And so ends the last day of half term, we have had the good news about my son’s klegs and the bad news about the Conker tree, Mrs T has been working from home, I have been covering all over the place for my displaced co-workers, resignees or absentees through stress or illness. MY son has, is still playing that awful game Fortnite, how long can this go on? These people must be able to buy Chad and clear off its national debt by now, I wonder if they will or just get some cool sports cars.

Spotted this which I haven’t seen before this morning, it looks to me like a nest, but it was fairly low down in the tree and so i think it may have fallen down, I listened in but there wasn’t a chirrup. Maybe they heard me coming and were holding their breaths until I walked on. Maybe i’ll sneak up on them tomorrow.

Benny can not be trusted to walk anywhere after last weeks misadventure with the sheep and so I think it’s time to have his balls cut off and fed to the local cats. I’ve been putting it off and off but it is a stipulation of getting a dog from Cyprus, he has to become a eunuch sooner rather that later, and it may calm him down a bit, I also need to cut his nails, give him a hair cut and blow dry, maybe with a purple rinse too; Imagine!

It will join the list of things I have to do which I know we all have; get shit boat, get landrover, get Boards of Canada Aquarius on 7″ (about £100 on Discogs), etc etc the list is more endless than you’d ever realise unless you stop and check and then you will see that I was right all along, as were the Stones when the told us that you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need. I must disagree, I need that Boards Of Canada Aquarius 7″ and I haven’t yet got it and I want it too, thus it goes on the list.

Here it is, Its a belter so enjoy it.


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