March 6th 2019


It’s like i’m blogging every other day, this is bad, where is the time going? Mmm? I’ll tell you, as self appointed Finance Director in waiting of the most antiquated financial investment company in the World I am fretting like a Goodun! I haven’t slept well; we have a new duvet cover and its very angular, it needs a good wash to take the crispness and corners out, i’m fussy like that and must be an absolute joy to live with!

So I’ve been told to get on to Sage software by various friends; accountants, book keepers and payroll pixies. I am all over it and on Tuesday next week will be going over to my mate (we will call her L, and yes it is possible for men to have friends who are female) house to set up and start using terminology such as year end, profit, loss and other such things. I’m looking forward in a masochistic way as I won’t be getting paid because the company is run to keep my folks and my uncle kept in the fashion they have become used to! In short its their pension, this company and far be it from me to suggest the move out of their big house into something a little easier to manage, a little more modern and dare i say a little closer to me and the Grandchildren, we can help you folks. I know they won’t be reading this as they can not and will not and think the internet is a fad which will die a death, when Brexit happens and Britain will once again rule the waves, their thoughts, definitely not mine.

It was pancake day yesterday to commemorate the death of Jesus, in Roman times people used to line the streets with Pancakes to show how much they liked Jesus, it was his favourite breakfast. It’s a similar ceremony to eating Christmas Pudding in December as that was when the Virgin Mary fell off her chair in shock after realising she was pregnant dropping all her dried fruit into a Tupperware dome containing whisky. Upon dipping her finger in the fruit and suet mix, she remarked how lovely it was and baked it in a pan of boiling water for hours on end. Joseph came home from work and lit a reefer when he sat down at the kitchen table throwing the match at the ashtray, missing and lighting the fruity pudding. Christmas pudding in a nutshell probably.

So the kids made us pancakes for breakfast, in bed on a work day because Jesus really liked pancakes. Then Ash Wednesday came where everyone listens to Northern Irish band Ash’s music, and then Lent where people give up something they really like doing for some sort of act of self flagellation, makes no sense to me, I will be starting a new hobby for the period of Lent by drowning a kitten every day until Lent finishes, I will know when that is because my shed will have no kittens left in side; Amazon is delivering 40 by drone for the beginning of the important religious event.


To say I haven’t ever won anything would be a massive falsehood, I won “Edward Lear’s Book of Nonsense Rhymes” back in 1977 at my school for being “The Best Trier” so when our pub quiz team “Misty, Benny and the Chicken Man” came first in the pub quiz yesterday we were delighted and then myself and Mrs T proceeded to drink the prize, about 5 drinks of our choice, as 3 of the other team members were not drinking, we had D, M, N and Mrs N and my wife Mrs T (no relation). Well, knock me down with a feather, we won by 5 clear points from the next team and I think the score was out of 60, we scored 39; not bad for a first effort. Questions about Bodger and Badger, sport, the NZ basketball team being called the Tall Blacks! That was my fave answer.

The end of the night included Kraftwerk being played, the full Autobahn song on a crappy record player the landlord found in the roof, and then the landlord fell asleep in a chair in front of the fire, snoring so we piled newspapers and crisp packets on his head.

Work was tiresome today, it rained and rained and when I found my self crouching under a bush in someones garden in a Hi-Vis trying to keep the computer dry and all the paperwork smudge free, I decided to call it a day. The boss is away, so why the hell should I care.


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