May 12th 2019

Today I was inspired by a headline in the Worcester News, my local paper, to write a short piece of utter nonsense. Occasionally a real gem appears, last week the main headline was “Local news for local people” Or Nothing to see here!

Hope you like it.

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A Worcester father has given up a very lucrative career as Britain’s foremost Rod Stewart impersonator in order to help out Worcester’s smallest primary school.

When perpetually drunken Colin Bunrush, heard the news that the School at Bottom Piddle’s chicken family had been stolen by what is thought to have been a Fox, he was distraught.

He had been practicing his moves for “If you think I’m sexy” in his home studio upstairs in his dormer bungalow, when he heard the tragic news. He stopped dancing and took down the helpline number where he then spoke to a very kindly lady with a terrible lisp who asked him to come down to the local news studios for an interview.

Colin arrived in his leopard print spandex pants and announced to the receptionist that he thought she was sexy and that if she thought he was then, honey, she should tell him so. It was shortly after this he passed out.

To this day Colin cannot remember what forms he signed, but contractually, he now spends his time clucking out the tune to Maggie May dressed as a chicken in a small enclosure to the rear of the maintenance hut at Bottom Piddle Primary School.

When asked for a comment Colin just looked down at the ground and kicked at the corn in his plastic bird feet.

 

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