October 1st 2019

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Pinch punch first of the month; No returns, A slap and a kick for being so quick, etc etc.

Just returned from a wonderful walking weekend in the country; Offa’s Dyke, Hergest Ridge – again, I went there last year, the site which inspired Mike Oldfield’s second album, you know the one after Tubular Bells, the difficult second album to use a well used cliche. 4 old school friends, each with varying degrees of mental anguish from life and growing up from where we were at school, to world traveller adventurers, to university mentalists with low standards of grown up behaviour, some of us better than others. Copious drug use through the 20’s, coming up smiling into the 30’s. I love my brothers and the conversations, which cannot be repeated, discussions which would never dared been dreamt up were it not for our glorious leader. Laughing all the way, in the rain and the wind.

We picked some magic mushrooms, on the top, near the trig pillar and pretty much everyone who passed us, asked us,

“Looking for Magic Mushrooms?”

No one seemed to care and we managed a haul of about 4 score, for the 4 of us. We dried them, which takes them from being legal into illegal, which is, of course, utterly ridiculous. This country, I ask you. I’ve got mine in my wallet, i’ll see how long they stay there.

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The house we were staying at was opposite 2 pubs, both good in their own way; one for eating, one for boozing. One not allowing us to take 6 pints and a bottle of wine between the 4 of us across the road to have with our tea, they told us we wouldn’t bring the glasses back; turns out after suggesting bringing our own glasses across from the house, the glasses we brought across were from the pub anyway, which in my books is socking it to the man.

I had a ploughman’s lunch which sounds rurally rustic, at a fab pub in the middle of nowhere; Gladestry I think. Ale cheap and menu not extensive, ham egg and chips, fish and chips and the aforementioned ploughman’s. I had a stilton ploughman’s lunch. Which when my mate went to pay became a discussion of idiocy at the bar between the landlord and a local sat at the bar. When the landlord returned from the kitchen after giving the order, he walked back behind the bar and said,

“Stilton Ploughman’s” and shock his head. That translates as “Wanker”

The3 ploughman’s lunch is essentially a picnic on a plate; some bread, some cheese, some chutney a little coleslaw and some salad, pickled onions too, and if you’re lucky some ham as well. I wasn’t lucky, probably because i asked for stilton over cheddar. Anyway an undisputed fact of the day today is that,

Ploughman’s lunches were invented in the 1960’s. This is despite the probable fact of farmers eating such things throughout the entire course of rural history. Apparently this type of lunch was conceived by the cheese marketing board to encourage people to eat more cheese. So there you go fact seekers, you can have that for nothing, just bring some cheese when you’re walking around the woods of Shrawley.

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We spent the evening languishing infant of a fire which we didn’t need to light, but we spent £10 on a basket of logs (£10!!!) and so we had to use the logs, despite the weather being rain storm warm. I fell on my arse out side the pub, slipped in a puddle hurt my coccyx and my wrist; wasn’t massively drunk and thank god wasn’t holding onto any  bottles or breakables, that would have been embarrassing.

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Never seen one of these, but i’ve heard of them. Hay on Wye evidently has Olympians of some description, as well as a fantastic set of book shops, it is known as the world capital of second hand bookshops, and outdoor type shops, a generic and slightly twee Border town.

 

 

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