Lets face it, we’re all doomed. My right hand aches when I hold it in certain shapes, so i’ve been told by my manager (helpfully) to not hold my hand in such a shape, what am I a puppeteer? (he said, in his head) I had a meeting this morning and it turns out my pension may have been illegally forced onto me, I had to change my plan a few years back and this is age discrimination apparently, and so I will continue to bumble on in the hope that I can fuck off in 11 years and 3 months to my mountain lair in Spain, far enough away to ignore the Clusterfuckers who are in the eye of this shit storm which they report to be controlling, we’ll see. I’m not a politician, or a manager so what will play out will play out, but it really won’t matter as I have a chance to be introspective under my umbrella-a-a under my umbrella dipping my toes in the pool as my wife asks me if i’d like another mojito. Oh yes, provided the whole world doesn’t turn on its own arse hole then everything should be fine, I mean what could go wrong?

In the mountains, which I will inhabit, I shall tame the goats to be my friends, the eagles will swoop down to sit on my spade as I wipe my sweaty brow and remove my mask to scratch my sweaty, spotty chin. Acne my friends is the real enemy here, and photo manipulation apps will rule the earth as I air brush the goats beards and superimpose hares in my garden. I’ve always wanted to see more hares; giant rabbits of the plains.

So lets be clear where we stand, my footprint is as relevant as anyone else’s but alas, it seems from where I stand that my footprint sits lightly onto of the builders sands of time to be forgotten due to the stamping and use of the whacker plate by the folk in charge, to create some sort of isotropic surface, removing any sense of the past and creating a world of obedient automatons. The world is on fire, Siberia is on fire and because we don’t go on holiday there it doesn’t matter, if theres a fire in Zante, go to Crete. If there is Covid there, go to Lesbos, if theres migrants there, go to America, no don’t go there, go to Turkey, Thailand, Trinidad. Go anywhere where the shit won’t follow, which of course is everywhere. 

In my spare time I am a motivational speaker, Night.


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