Good Grief, Bad Grief.

Happy Mothers Day to all, hope you’ve all had a fantastic day biting your tongue when your over racist mother blames everything on there being too many people here, and ignores the fact that because of Brexit and because many Europeans left who worked on the land, in factories, driving lorries, etc etc, jobs which some of the population see as being below them, they left to move back to their homelands, this is one reason we need more immigration, without immigration the NHS would collapse, Farming would collapse, the list goes on. So the Mother’s Day weekend went by with only one small irascible disagreement. I’ve grown to understand that arguing with my Mum is largely pointless as she is getting deafer, and recently widowed and so I keep needing to kick myself, the impetus; to make my Mum happier.

This Saturday started well, we all woke up, had a breakfast together, coffee in the garden under the warm spring sunshine, a cold shower after the dog walk, my weight still at 82.40kg for about the 7th day in a row. This is mental, I can’t seem to get lighter, despite eating soup at  lunchtime and avoiding chips and curry sauce. So we drove into Worcester, for lunch, I had a reservation, the restaurant was ok, way too loud for Mum and slightly too loud for me if I’m honest, you’ll understand when you get to my age, food was ok, I had Mussels, pretty bland but not riddled with fish food poisoning, so I live to fight another day, you’ll be pleased to know. I could see Mum flagging, worn out by the inability to hear, and seeing the conversation like a ping pong ball bounce airily between the kids and ourselves, never being able to catch hold of it adequately to join in. Of course you include her, but conversation moves organically and with the music, some generic European holiday music, bouzoukis and mandolins, sangria and crystal blue seas. 

But the food was filling, Mum ate an enormous Pizza with her knife and fork, which was a mammoth feat considering she has an appetite of a bird lately, but politeness dictated she should finish the monster, which she nearly did. They sold the beer in 2/3 pint glasses, classy. We walked back towards the car, and took flight to the next destination, a mates house for tea and cake and another elderly Mother. The two old dears got on splendidly, missing lots of what was said by the other, but pleased that neither of them have a smart phone, neither use the internet, and an overwhelming and unshakeable belief that cheques are the future of banking.

“She was very Nice, K’s Mum, but no one introduced us, I had no idea what her name was” 

This is where the use of the term “mate” or “man” by our generation comes in very handy, we lived next door to our dealer for a whole year and not once did we call him Justin, it was “Man” all the time as we were all stoned when we first met him, and each one of us blamed the other for not listening! Maybe My Mum calling the other Mum “mate” might have been a little too over familiar but I would have loved to have heard it. Now despite the Rooks calling in the Poplars and the gentle hubbub of us chatting, the dogs barking meant that I don’t think Mum got the full gist of the chat there either.

We came home and Mum seemed flat, she dozed on the sofa, coughing occasionally, I gave her some Lemsip to take home with her. That night she seemed like she had nothing to say, an empty vessel, with memories hiding in the shadows, leaping out, memories of 64 years with Dad, and now a creeping reality of being without Dad. Grief is sad, i’ve never experienced so close to home and to see Mum sad makes me sad. She struggled up the stairs to bed and I heard herself mumbling to herself in the spare bedroom, before she fell into a deep sleep. 

Today was better, she was rested, and kept on reminding us to change the clocks forward as British summertime has finally arrived, and despite the numerous explanations that the time changes automatically now days on every timepiece apart form the Oven clock and the Car clock, and so we rewire our brain to realise that those two will be incorrect until winter time again. When she left she mentioned that its a real shame she couldn’t see more of us. There’s a simple solution really, she needs to move house if she really wants that. But alas I can’t see that happening.

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