Covid? Novid.

Days pass, the weather keeps getting better and then worse and then the clocks change, so its darker in the mornings, lighter at night and in her wake Mum left the mystery of wether or not I may or may not have Covid. After more than an hour in the car together she mentioned that her friend “E”, whom she saw a week ago yesterday had tested positive for Covid. So thats that then, sat in a car covered in each others driving and passenger breath, the car turned up to old person climate, the climate where germs breed, and when you’re stuck in a jam on the A46, there is no way out.

She’s grieving. And now the whole family are potentially enveloped in Covid, but she thinks it’s just a cold, a tickled throat and a certain weariness. The weekend passed, thats all i’m going to say; we made an elderly woman happy, but then today I took a test. Positive, then another; negative, then another; negative. Best out of 3, which is no way to organise an assault against the Pandemic, which is still very much here, a game of chance, maybe I have maybe I haven’t, maybe I’ve got some sort of hybrid Covid. Tomorrow will tell, when I stick the cotton wool tipped probe up my hay fever affected morning nostrils, prompting facial ticks, shivers  and twitches before I plunge the slightly beige discoloured proboscis into the magic brackish solution contained in the plastic test tube, shake it all about before gently splashing 4 drops of the biological hazard into the reader. 

Coffee, shit and shower, and lets see…

I spoke to Mum today, she’s telling me that the cold is “coming out” now; nose has been streaming all day, but her throat is better. I told her about my experience today, and she said she was pretty sure that she didn’t have Covid. Pretty sure, because if she did then Robert the decorator wouldn’t come on Thursday, and in fairness she’s been waiting for 2 years for the lounge to be painted, if she had “official” covid then that would bugger up the decorating for at least a few more months. And yes I do understand the insanity of what I’ve just written and for the record a lot of these folk voted for Brexit, and thinking about it a lot of them are probably not around anymore to see what’s happened. So I’ll test tomorrow, just before my annual review, and if i’m positive i’ll test again and again until I’m negative and then i’ll go out , that’s where the sensible money is. 

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