Premature Holiday Ejaculation

Oh my God, I can not wait.

With July closing, the Tory leadership elections drag on and on like two fools carrying a shit in a bag which rustles loudly, chasing after me and begging for my attention, only to realise that i’ve got nothing to do with this contest as i’m not one of the 160,000 bigoted racist brexiteers who will ultimately decide the next PM.

But one light on the horizon is Turkey, and my holiday there. Only about 10 more sleeps and then the news gets turned off, and music will reign. And hopefully the persons chasing me with a bag full of shit for me to look at will lose interest and go and bother someone else.

Oh my, I really cant wait to feel the sand between my toes, to take my paddle board down the crystal clear and chilling Azmak river in Akayaka, where I shall arise early, drift downstream to the sea, avoiding all the pleasure boats, and paddle across the bay to the Trendy Bar for coffee and maybe a holiday cigarette. Before hauling my arse and my Paddleboard back up to the hotel ready to repeat the same cycle for the following 18 days. In the evening I shall be obliged to don my river shoes and swim downstream, after the pleasure cruisers have stopped, past the waving Turkish tourists having BBQs next to the river. 

God I can’t wait.


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