As is painfully clear from this nonsense not a great deal happens to me most of the time, nothing remarkable, really, but on my walk today i had 3 separate incidents.

Firstly I walked around 3;30, probably the time a  lot of home workers drag themselves out for a lunchtime treat, they’ve missed lunch actually as they haven’t stood up, even for a piss, and as a result the carpet is a mess. So I saw a couple of Dogs coming towards me and at that point had to make a decision to avoid, so off roading right in front of the farm, yeah FUCK YOU Farmer, they leave a grassy border around the fields here, dressing them up for the aerial photography, I’d suggest. I walked around the field, a free man, headphones in, oblivious to any interference, obviously wasn’t causing any harm anyway. 

Secondly, having regained my walking trajectory I carried on my way, deciding to diagonally cross the crops as there was a path appearing as the mud froze earlier this week, taking the hypotenuse rather than the opposite and adjacent  (if youre listening N&M you’ll understand) And just as i’m completing the crossing, theres a man, walking up the non footpath which I regularly use, illegally. This bloke hasn’t got a dog, this bloke is tall and is walking all over the place, more than I do, and this bloke seems to be sporting a pair of overalls, green if i’m not mistaken in the pale early evening light. I’m now checking him out from across a field, and he’s doing the same, probably; assuming I’m up to some sort of mischief. So as I reach the point where I turn left off the foot path to double back upon myself, he’s turned round and is walking in a direction in which he could see me trespass. So I have to continue, walking down, there’s no other choice, and its a really steep down, there’s a massive up after, of course and at 3 or 4pm I’m not keen on getting involved. But I’m committed now and I keep pausing to look up, my hand cupped over my brow to see if I can see him. I can’t, but I feel he’s watching me, forcing me further and further down hill, and ultimately I choose to follow the grassy path around the field, not a public right of way, but I’m thinking on my feet here. I’m thinking that where I emerge will be probably where he’s parked his pick up so he could walk around his land, forcing walkers to make rash off road decisions. So I’ve turned the corner and having walked down to a place near to “Hell Hole” Dark and Deep, full of deer, I dive right into the woods, under the cover I feel alive, and I am fully aware that the footpath lies a mere 200m westwards. 

Thirdly, I reached the footpath having leapt over a small rivulet, sent Benny under the stock fencing, sent myself over and trudged the last million miles uphill through the middle of a muddy field, which was an official footpath. I reached home, pulled off my boots, and realised I’d only walked 3.2miles, my mind betrayed my assumptions