One Monday evening I’ll feel absolutely fabulous, but with all the excitement of the election, the football, my Mum being poorly and ferrying teenagers all over WR6 I feel slightly frail if I’m honest. Covid or an easily caught infection as it now manifests itself as is never to far away, and the internet told me that this cough which every one seems to have had is a strain of the virus. Maybe its that too, or maybe i’m just getting too old for this, I reckon I drove for about 24 hours last week, thats not a sensible amount of time to be sat in a car.

Anyway, the good news which might have passed you by is the Tories have been voted out and a very businesslike efficient sensible non shouty labour government was voted in with a “Super majority”  a term coined by a man who leaves thie term as his legacy, that and his hair, which seemed to be sprayed on, it had a very kind of soft focus look to it, always in front of a flag and always telling us pork pies, the days of saying things and then they are magically true are over, Schnapps is gone, probably on to get back into internet pyramid schemes which I hope have moved on and I hope he fails drastically. Defence secretary… I ask you! Another absolute fanny to lose their job was “Ruin the Environment Secretary” Terrese Coffey, what a useless piece of political dish rag she turned out to be, I think for a short moment she might have been Deputy PM to Liz Truss, but that all happened in a bit of a blur  and historians will look back and probably question if it actually was a countrywide hallucination or a case of collective amnesia, looking back, it all feels so awful now. Rees Mogg was ousted and will hopefully crawl back into the crypt from whence he emerged 300 years ago. Gullis, the man who probably spits when he talks has gone back to work in the Argos warehouse on the Stone Bypass Retail Park, destined for a diet of Wimpey Burger and Dunkin’ Donuts, Panda Cola and Chocolate bars, he favours the Bounty Bar…Twat. Penny Mordunt lost her seat and will probably be suited to a life as a traffic warden, she’s got sword holding skills so a lollipop would be child’s play.

Labour inherits an enormous manor house populated by these cock Womble Chuckleheads for the last 14 years, the dirt in the carpet a mixture of excrement brought in on the shoes of every environment secretary as they come back from dynamite fishing, who needs Chalk Streams any way? The walls are covered in 14 years worth of dirty protests the final 5 years stepped up several gears as the powers that be tried to keep Johnathon Gullis away from the TV studios leaving him to smear his and other peoples excrement all over the Fuzzy Flock wall paper. Rees Mogg would talk with a plum in his mouth without having a plumb in his mouth and most of the time no one understood what he was saying because invariably he was taking utter tripe concocted in his sparce study using latin text books which he fed to the likes of Gullis who lapped it up like the dogman goldfish brained Gumby Clone that he is. Sadly someone has to clean this mess up, and it will be televised, and by the looks of it so far, Starmer seems like a boring professional safe pair of hands, to wake up and not be subjected to an almost daily tirade of ridiculous misadventures and ethical “Errors of Judgement” to find that there won’t be an enquiry into the latest Fuck up is refreshing. What the hell are satirists going to write about? Although the Tory party needs to elect a new leader as Sunak has one foot in his Green Flash and one leg in his Bermuda shorts itching to get to California and to try and forget this ever happened. I’ve got news for you Rishi, you’re the biggest Tory Loser in the history of the Tory party (or so the internet told me)

Good riddance to them all.