Nightmare, the golf club is closing down, Herefordshire county council, or Malvern have said no to the golf club to putting up a few cabins to open up the “stay and play” market of which is a growing amount, people stay in the cabin, theres probably a dirty sex pond, more than tepid and not deflating on the deck; fully turgid. And all because (probably) the owner was born in a lay by somewhere in between Leicester and Nottingham and has made a massive success of himself, owning several businesses and trying to bring money to the community. I think theres some rusty dusty old has been with a house next to the course who doesn’t like young people or anyone with progressive ideas, old style tweed wearer, not like myself who would wear tweed budgie smugglers given half the chance and if theres some sort of jubilee celebration for the imprisonment of some excommunicated royal (P Andrew possibly) then I’m in. Then lavish me with strawberry jam and cover me in feathers and set me loose throughout the town.

So from 27th March there will be nowhere within 2 miles as the crow flies to play golf with my boy. This is a serious issue.