They’re eating the swans and catching the carp, and you’d better watch out because they’ll be after you next, those people who are doing that… supposedly. Plus don’t take the paracetamol, or do, it’s your choice; but don’t come to me crying if your legs turn gangrenous.

It makes one wonder if this  incident regarding the swans actually happened. It may have happened, unlikely because the Queen owns all the swans, or at least did until she passed away, now no one knows, so maybe they’re free game. Are swans inheritance tax exempt? Does inheritance tax apply to the Royals? Probably not, so all they have to do is look after the swans, which I believe they do using old corgis who herd them along the river and canal banks of Britain using special powers bestowed unto then by the lord of the realm, now King Charles the Spaniel, which creates a power imbalance as Spaniels are good with pheasants not swans, and pheasants fly crash whereas Swans are majestic water walking white jumbos, graceful and revered.

This precarious ornithological Jenga, leads me to ask why the hell are they not eating the pheasants too? They’re easier to knock down and the Swans generally stay on the water or they’ll slice your arm off with the wings of a winged lunatic.  

Ignore the swan, ignore the pheasant and beware of the tweed jacketed toad faced Wetherspoon visiting photo opportunity regular barely cloaked racist bastard from clacton, he doesn’t live in Clacton but he has a house in Clacton, or his girlfriend does, which he didn’t pay for, actually. And listen to him neither deny or confirm anything Trump tells you, but rather shiftily sow the seeds of doubt. 

Who fucks arses? Maybe he fucks arses… Maybe he wrote this in a moment of drunken sincerity…

Just fucking watch him.