I was going go to bed, Mrs T is watching Poldark of which I have no interest, I’m not a fan of period dramas. I remember having to watch Downtown Abbey on Christmas Day with my folks, which is bad enough any way but every 8 minutes there was an advert break. I have knowledge of being able to record the thing and then watch it back without the ads, but this is not possible for spontaneous viewing with aged parents on Christmas Day. Coupled with the lack of continuity of the period nonsense due to carpet world informing me of a sale which starts tomorrow morning, add to the mix the television turned up to 99 due to my Mum’s stubbornness and denial that her hearing is going, “Everybody seems to mumble these days”, (Absolute classic!) on top of this we have had plenty of wine and, erm, Christmas Cheer whilst cooking the turkey in the kitchen. All of this together amounted too a really intense Christmas Day which gradually magnified as the day continued and the wine was drunk. Anyway, I wasn’t really meant to say any of that, I was just trying to explain why I am not watching Poldark, and why I am doing this instead.
Myself and Mrs T went for a walk with the dogs in the wood to try to loose the pounds before going to Bulgaria in a week; I wonder is it too late to get Beach Presentable? I suspect it may be little late for that, so watch out Sveti Vlas (rhymes with Sweaty Arse, which is already causing much hilarity in my household, well I find it funny and everyone else just thinks I’m an idiot)
For those of you who have read this stuff on and off for a while may have noticed the sculpture we made at the entrance to the woods, it amounts to a feather, an old metal tooth from a plough or something, a piece of folded metal and a rock. All things found in the earth, some naturally occurring, some man made. At the tapered end of the tooth is a little hole just large enough to fit a little lego person. Over the course of several months we have placed a lego person in this hole and have seen all of them disappear, some stayed a long while, others a matter of a week or so. I have taken these lego folk from my son, he hasn’t minded at all as he’s more interested in Fortnite (another story for another day if I can be arsed to tell it, I suspect parents who’s kids play the game will all be singing from the same songbook, so I probably won’t bother. I may put it on the things to think about thinking about doing list, but i doubt it).
The bottom line is I really didn’t think I should just keep taking these lego folk and so we, The Ministry, have decided to let nature take its course and leave the sculpture, the installation alone as nature has intended.
This evening however, when walking into the woods we were confronted by the above. An interloper has been placed by person/ persons unknown into the hole at the top of our little shard. Now normally I wouldn’t mind, but there are several points I would like to make before I sign off and go to bed.
a) The person placing the little man (he’s got stubble) into the little hole at the top of the little shard must have had prior knowledge of there being a lego person there previously, otherwise why the hell would anyone do such a ridiculous thing unless it has been done before.
b) The person placing the little man into the little hole at the top of the little shard hasn’t even stumped up for a real Lego man, its a fake you bloody cheapskate.
c) Maybe the person who placed the little man in the little hole at the top of the shard is trying to make amends for thieving Lego people in the past by placing a little man there themselves. Well I disagree and disapprove, the fact this person is a fake Lego man is an insult directly made to the Ministry. There are rules about what is placed where and who does the placing. You are in direct contravention of the Ministry of Shrawley Walks Code, which states no one is to fuck about with the art work, especially children. If this is the parent of a child who has stolen the Lego people in the past and is trying to make up for the theft, well you should feel thoroughly ashamed of yourself for trying to palm us of with this shite.
d) I will have talks with the ministry presently and the result could well be that the Fake Lego Builder Man is ejected, forthwith. There will now follow a hands off policy regards the art work in the woods until further notice.
Any thieves, be them adults or children, will be tied to a tree and left to be pecked to death by wrens. Unless someone sees and frees, in which case I can do nothing about it. We must burn the witch.
So there you are, rant over, and Poldark has finished so Mrs T has come to bed and now for some reason my daughter has come in to talk to us, which makes me immediately suspicious.
Keep on keeping on.