I’m back, “Thank God” I hear you all say. Blogging is tough when on holiday, the hour, or thereabouts I usually put aside  for this caper is being eaten into by time at the pool bar, theres stools and everything, you can sit in the pool while having a beer! I really feel I can finally say, “I’ve arrived!”

The diary thing can go and fuck itself, I’ve had many escapades and much fun this last week, dipping in to the blogosphere only for the Friday Fictioneers, which I’ll do again when things return to normal.

So today we’re going to kick off with some insect sex, butterfly porn if you will, fill your boots insect lovers, this is a particularly sexy pose I’m sure you’d agree, at it like rabbits they were. Today the ministry moved to the ministry of Bulgarian Walks, we did an 8 mile walk through the forests above Sveti Vlas (sweaty arse, which still makes me laugh), an 8 am start, coffee before the walk which is pretty nuts anyway. We, the international band of strollers, met our guide who I shall call M, to keep her identity secret, met at the Post Office and walked up into the woods, just a hop and a skip for the town centre. We saw no tortoises who apparently live in the woods, who knew? I have no idea where a Tortoise hangs out or lives, you could tell me he flies and I may consider the point before accepting it completely, the shell splits to reveal tortoise shell patterned beautiful wings; I did not see this today and so as far as I am concerned, the jury is still out.

Up in the hills, it seems the fun police have firmly put their foot down, there are things you can’t do, and somethings you are not allowed to do and you may not even know what they are; I’m thinking hover tanks and karate are out.

I will shortly hand over to my new friend, who I shall call R to protect his anonymity who has written a brilliant critique of our adventures this past few weeks.

So watch this space.