September 12th 2018

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The view from my friends house as the sun goes down over the corn field, waiting for aliens to land, every bloody night.

This morning I came out as an ex-smoker by vaping. Yes I know i’ve probably said it before, that it’s for children, with its fruity tastes and connectivity to the laptop. But what the hell, i’ve changed my position regards it, I now pretty much a hypocrite as I still think it’s a children’s hobby but at risk of poor health I’ll take it up. Plus we’ve a wedding this weekend and I tend to get a little over excited at weddings and if anyone has any fags then i’m all over them. This weekend I’ll be on the strawberry and watermelon. Now doesn’t that sound too good! Join me, Darth Vaper, in my practice of doing things which I am far too old to be doing.

I know that when I was smoking N and M could smell it a mile off and would make comments, quite rightly so I might add, about how appealing the whole thing is. Now when I bring out my alter ego Darth Vaper, I feel like a naughty child and I over compensate, by blowing plumes of sweet smelling vapour into the stillness of the woods.

Phrase of the day goes to C who came up with an absolute belter which I expect all of my followers to adopt forthwith,

“You properly pissed on my Chips”

Meaning to ruin someones meal due to the lack of vinegar, or something like that.

M went to the dentist today and when asked if he would be having any work done he replied that when he goes in normally the dentist asks if he’s sold his house yet to determine wether or not he would be doing any work!!

We came up with a fabulous new idea for a ying to the Eurovision song contest’s yang in an idea for the Eurovision Sad song contest, points will be given for the most authentic crying and top marks will be given if you can’t finish your song. But crying must be authentic like in that Abba song “one of us is crying”,  gritty stuff I think you’ll agree.

N and D have ordered a full lamb between us, its going to be filleted and turned into portions for us to cook, I’m really looking forward to this and in a shocking revelation N revealed incorrectly that he doesn’t have mint sauce with lamb. Quite clearly he is insane.

The ministry will be going on tour in October, we are taking our shoddy band of merry men to climb the tallest mountain in Wales on October 8th, this is when we plan to summit, and we will not be using the train. So if any of you folks fancy giving up your jobs to join us on our 5 hour trip for no other reason than to meet your idols, then feel free. Also don’t be shy to buy us a drink, or at least me, i’m the idiot who writes this drivel, I put the hours in M, N and C are naturally insane, I have to work hard, daily to come up with this nonsense.

Don’t forget to stick a post it note on N’s back mocking him for not eating mint sauce with his lamb. That’s unforgivable.

Tonight I had a fight with a hornet as big as a lego man in my own bathroom, I used fly spray but he had the element of speed and agility, not so much surprise, as his buzzy drone was very low pitched and so I could echolocate him like a bat or possible a dolphin before I attacked. The final score was

D 1-  Hornet 0

Night friends, fresh from a cold blooded murder, I’m not even going to eat it.

Check this tune out, turn it up loud, bask in its massiveness.

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