Cat-Nap

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Terrifying news from Worcester where once inanimate now unused bus shelters have somehow sprung to life and are marauding through the Worcestershire countryside, taking advantage of folks good nature, and stealing hundreds of cats.

Previously cats in gangs were terrorising bus shelters by hanging out at night just as the shelters relax for the day when the busses stop running. To a certain extent the council is to blame with many rural bus routes ceasing to operate due to lack of government funding. Old ladies, houses full of cats, would head to the bus shelter, smelling of cat litter and tuna pouches, on their weekly trip to the post office. The smell would linger on the seats of the shelter after they depart for a day of disjointed, misheard conversations, complaining about the young’s fashion sense, and the migrant workers doing the jobs our population thinks is below them.

“How much for a first class stamp? I’d better have a second class today thanks Nick”

The smell after dark proved too much of a temptation for all the cats from miles around to come and spray all over the shelters, a self perpetuating cycle of cat piss smelling bus shelters, the dogs came too, but they’re far less choosy about where they urinate.

The bus shelters have barricaded themselves up a hidden valley in Shelsley Beauchamp where theres plenty of room to frolic. One enormous shelter, a runaway from a once main arterial road which was left redundant after the southern ring road construction, is acting as a makeshift cat prison.

A resident of the valley, whose home used to command a premium price said,

“These bloody Shelters have ruined what was once a peaceful valley, its like looking down on an allotment full of tatty sheds, never mind the noise, the bloody cats just won’t shut up”

An army of mobile libraries is being galvanised to remedy the problem.

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