January 8th 2018

“Axes For All” went out the cry!


Nothing like driving to work with a freshly honed axe on the front seat of your car of which I have N to thank for. We went to his shed after coffee this morning, a place only few may ever see. There’s machines in there; machines many of us will pretend to understand, yet few will master. This particular little beauty is a sharpener of some sort, it made my axe, or rather hatchet, devilishly sharp, the edge of the blade glistening in the milky sunlight of the winter’s morning as I drove through the Wyre forest to my place of work.

N said I would be asked a few tricky questions if I was stopped but like our overseas cousins, I demand the right to bear arms, In fact I’d go as far as to say that maybe we should all be allowed to carry axes on our person. Purely for protection of course, and all school and nursery teachers should be given axes, in case someone attacked them with an axe which they had smuggled into school.

This is of course, nonsense and I don’t believe it, but what it says is that both of us felt guilty to even be transporting an axe just up the road within the village, it should be better kept at home, behind locked shed doors or hidden within the logs of the log store. Feeling guilt when I have nothing to feel guilty for, all I’ve done was take an axe to be sharpened, I suspect many folk would rather buy a new one than drive it around looking for sharpeners.

I especially liked the sparks.


We’ve all had our 3/4 year reviews at work and the bottom line is that the good will has all but evaporated from the field staff at my company; what used to be a happy ship of troubadours has capsized and we are all basically doing what we can to avoid having any contact with our boss. The general consensus is that the shit will hit the fan sooner or later and we’ll be in trouble, theres potential to be a national outcry, mark my words, heads will roll and we’ll be left to pick up the pieces. All we’re doing is drawing squares all day long!

Great news today was the return to school of the primary school kids, thank God, I’ve had enough of Fortnite to last me a lifetime, now at least it’s confined to a time in the evening, after the return of the monsters. C had a very smart new pair of boots and remarked how nice it is to be walking without plastic bags on her feet. See what we have to put up with? The life of a minister is never clean cut, we’ve issues like everybody else.  I know some of you see us as Demi-Gods, but really we are like the rest of you, except slightly better. Insofar that our lives will be documented forever in this shambles, placed in the British Library, bound in human skin and displayed in a glass viewing case, you’ll have to book and appointment to read it with an attendant standing over you and will wear white cotton gloves.

There was chat about the SAS telly program on Channel 4, C likes it because there’s a dishy man called Ant, and N watches it because he wishes for more beyond the ministry, how wrong he is to think this way.

Oh I’m getting a new mobile telecommunications device tomorrow, as long as I get back from Hay on Wye in time fo the delivery, which could be at any time at all, they haven’t even pinned it down to an am or pm slot.


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