March 8th 2019


I wonder if you knew that there is a “Universal Law of Urination”

No? Me neither until last week whilst driving to work on Tuesday morning, listening to the scientist and mathematician on the radio she told me, yes me, I actually felt she was telling just me this fact. So in a return to a much popularised featurette in my blog; the Fact of the day, be it dubious, unconvincing or whatever I’m going to announce one right now.

Fact of the Day: The Universal Law of Urination states that if you have a bladder then the  time needed to empty said bladder is 21 seconds. This is the same if you are an Ant or a Hum-ant, an elephant or a frog, whatever you are. This is something to do with the bladder being created in the same proportions throughout the animal world, I’m sorry I can’t be more precise but I had to stop the car to send my self a text to remind me to be aware of this stupendous law of nature and as a consequence I forgot the why’s and wherefores of the business, but who cares, this is utterly Amazing!! This however has to be measured in controlled conditions, you must not be bursting for a wee, you must not be not needing a wee. You must be in the wee zone, 5 minutes either side of a wee, preferably before the wee otherwise timing may be an issue, you could say water under the bridge. Ho, Ho.

So there we go don’t say I don’t fascinate you with my superior intellect and knowledge of the urinatory systems which go largely unreported in this world, well not any more, it’s time for this sort of article to proliferate, let relief be your relief.

Today myself and Mrs T took a train to Birmingham to visit Marco Pierre White’s restaurant on the 25th floor of a tower block called the Cube, lots of squares and cubic architecture and plastic squares stuck to the outside of the building, looking down over the flats was pretty amazing with the massive city of Birmingham spreading across the horizon in all directions. We had to pay for a window seat; £5 each extra, and a glass of wine must have been nearly a tenner but there is something about being very high up, and safe behind reinforced glass which is very conducive to eating out. I’m sure i’ve probably only done this a handful of times, once in Sri Lanka over Columbo, a few times not very high up but above the chaotic beauty of Varanassi; we met a guy, he told us in Varanassi you need what he called a “safety zone” somewhere away or above the melee, where you can watch the chaos shout on by, i’ve always tried to abide by that rule; the Universal Law of the Safety Zone.

My daughter bought us this wonderful gift of a 3 course meal with cocktail or glass of wine for Christmas and today was the day we told work to fuck off and enjoyed each others company up in the clouds overlooking the Bullring and New Street station. As I approached the Maitre D, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had a voucher, slightly cheap, but before long and especially at the end of our meal you realise that many, many people had vouchers, the whole restaurant has been cheapened by its own wish for world domination and success. Maybe theres a massive mortgage to pay, maybe he’s got a divorce to attend to; I have no idea and I don’t care. The food was pretty good, but I’ve had much better, i’d probably go as far as to say the starter was bland, Mrs T’s beetroot and feta salad had been washed to pithing an inch of its life and tasted really clean and almost purified, beetroot should be a bit earthy in my book and the feta could have been better (couldn’t resist, there just wasn’t enough thats all.) I had whitebait, deep fried, was pretty standard. The steaks were pretty good, well cooked beautifully rare as we had asked and the pepper sauce was tasty but not punchy. The triple cooked chips were no a revelation they just tasted like good chips to me but I prefer the new potato see. Sorbet for pudding, lemon, raspberry and champagne; the perfect palette cleanser.

Look this is not a criticism, at all, the extras meant it cost us £22 which is fine in our book and it was a lovely gift from our daughter, a beautiful restaurant with very attentive staff and amazing surroundings, the sky namely. I would go back, possibly on a summers evening and sit outside on the champagne balcony, maybe with our daughter, she’d love it.

Plus the talent building in Worcester is about 8 storeys max, so where we were was like one of the Andaman tribes seeing an aeroplane for the first time, pretty special. Like this music.

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