April 26th 2019

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Lock up your vicious dogs, get out before sparrow fart, the fucking Bluebell tourists are coming.This weekend promises much in outsiders, dropping their sweet wrappers, disturbing the art work and generally getting in the way. I had a lie in today, missing the morning walk with N, M and C M is away in Reading or Rotherham, maybe he’s reading in Rotherham. C is looking after her kids as its holiday time, she is very much the lesser spotted C during these times. N was the only one up for it today, I wanted and deserved a lie in, waking up just after 8am, which is wonderful, still feel ropey though.

So I took the dog after watching a climate change Documentary, fully inspired by Greta Thunberg and the kids leading the fight against Climate Change. Anyway the woods had a few pockets of walkers, so had to keep Benny relatively close and on the lead. I rounded a corner and there on the side of the main drag unto the tall trees was a lady having a piss, bold as brass in Gortex. I had to duck back behind a tree so as not to literally stumble across her, I’m sure Benny would have been keen to neutralise the whiff with his own urine. She pulled up her pants and off she went, when I walked past it the stick was still in the air, hanging there, thats how close I was! I’m all for people weeing in the woods, in fact some of my best friends are those types; wood wee’ers, but for heavens sake get off the path, squat behind a tree, hide a little, or we may see your little hide.

Benny then growled at the childs pushchair and a stationary man in an orange jacket, I offered him so advice as to where the greatest bluebells were but he remained motionless, like a golden painted City Street Performer (we’ve got them in Worcester too)

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I’m seeing David Thomas Broughton tonight, subject to my friend turning up on time, thus far he’s 53 minutes late so I don’t think he’ll make it on time and we will have to rush everywhere in order to get there, Pie-minister first, then the Thekla; an old grain barge turned into a music venue in Bristol which will be ace.

Good night my many, many followers, keep it locked for more stranger pissing stories.

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