June 17th 2019

Sorry i’m late the dog ate my homework, there was a circus in the market square and the monkeys stole my laptop. Some shrews came at me and nuzzled me with their small pointed noses and I dropped my school bag, losing my sandwiches in the process. I chased the shrews and took one of their number out, the ringleader I think.

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Just in case any of you think I actually took this shrew out, of course I didn’t, there are some highly predatory cats and buzzards around these parts waiting to spot a tasty shrew they can catch and kill for sport. In fairness that’s more the cats who do that, ruthless bastards.

And all the excuses are of course fake news too, it was mine and Mrs T’s anniversary, then friday happened, I had a meeting with my new boss who kept forgetting things and looked awful, i reckon he’s had a blocking from on high for being too nice, he is too, it makes a change from the last one we had, thank God i’m out of that ship wreck, he still lives on making staff cry and pointing out the bleeding obvious, chucking his weight around in a thoroughly disagreeable manner.

On Friday I discovered a new pub in an arch in a viaduct which stretches across Worcester, they are attempting a regeneration here and so I expect lots of bearded hipsters queuing for craft ales and on the first Saturday of every month, theres a record fair next door to the pub! It’s like i’ve died and gone to Halvalla, at least it will be when I get there, July and August I think are booked up, i’ll pull a sicky. After this exciting new pub, I then got home and went to my local, ended up having a few too many in a short space of time, wondered home and slept on the sofa. A black mark for me.

Saturday was my son’s football presentation evening where the season’s awards are given out and a certain contingent of the parents have too much to drink and embarrass them selves. My son who I will call A, won 3 trophies, the one every one wins for taking part, he is only 10, then the parents player of the year, where the parents and people who know little about football vote for their fave player. AND then he won the player’s player of the year, voted by his peers in the team. I was bursting with pride as you’d expect. The coach managed to get an ex pro to give a motivational speech, backed by a photographic collage of his career, which ended up with him where he is now, as a window cleaner after about 20 years as a pro, he’s probably got loads stashed away in Marbella.

The taxi driver’s face looked like a contour map of the Himalaya, and was impossible to tell if he had been drinking or if he had stopped drinking for the last 35 years, our life in his hands, the very fact i’m writing this is proof that I am alive and well, unless you think this is a recording, a ruse to fool you, well guess what, Bangladesh beat the West Indies emphatically today in the Cricket world cup. Can’t wait to see Pakistan v Bangladesh at Lords, that will be a real treat.

On top of all the badly behaved parents and sugar fuelled kids tearing around Great Witley Village Hall, the coach called time on the team, he hadn’t told his wife or his son; the goalie. What a shock for the boys, there were a lot of tears from adults and kids alike but the team will rise from the ashes, like the Ombersley Phoenix, mark my words, there is activity a foot

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My daughter arrived back from Germany today too after a week swanning around in the sun at her German exchange; wonderful to have her back and because she wasn’t here for fathers day on Sunday, the celebrations have been postponed until later on this week, hopefully, i’ll just have to keep reminding people!

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