June 26th 2019


The weather is here to stay, there will always be weather, sometimes a lot of it, sometimes not much of it but always 24 hours of it a day. Get used to it, it’s here to stay. So too is the Foxgloved lego tiger, he’s too precious to leave in the woods for someone else’s child to steal.

Today on the walk we learnt that Hattie is coming into season, just in time to really fuck up Benny’s libido, he did have balls, he knew not what to do with them, apart from gyrate, he was a regular sexy dancer, the rural Elvis, in dog form. Which is an awful thought.

Discussion turned to farm shops and specifically scotch eggs, the messy snack, just too large in circumference to eat without spilling breadcrumbs all over your face. A snack for Vikings (speaking of which C has been watching the series; 5 series in and on the last episode ever of Vikings, and the theft-o-vision contraption has stopped working; Bummer!) £3.30 for a scotch egg; it was fantastic, it tasted amazing and the size, oh the size. The Hallow Ladygo store sells pork pies for £2.40 a pop, smallish but enough for a good lunch, fantastic with salad cream, not mayo naturally. N told us of a butchers on the A44 to Bromyard where Pork pies cost £6. Six Bloody Pounds!

There is a special Pork Pie affordability loan you can take out called  a Porkage. Meat bankers assess ones suitability for the Porkage loan by checking weight, income and fondness of vices; number of vices. If you have propensity to cardiac arrest, the porkage will not be granted and you will have to scrimp and save to afford the £6 pork pie, a treat once in a while, and once in a while only. Why fall into negative porkity, when the price and popularity of the Pork Pie declines. Don’t believe the market traders who say the price of Pork will never increase, just wait until they discover the pig-locust, that’s where the smart money is going, that and lithium mines.

So what did we learn today? Not a great deal it’s fair to say on the walk, but at work I learnt that goodwill, fine coffee and homemade oatcakes are alive and well in the Forest of Dean. That makes me happy.

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