July 9th 2019


The day I made my mind up to partake in the 5:2 diet is a day I am likely not to forget. Yesterday after speaking to N and C I decided to ask Mrs T if she would be up for a challenge. A challenge in which you starve yourselves for 2 days a week, the rest of the days you can eat as normal, you lose weight and anyway how hard can it be?

The idea behind is to get Beach Presentable and if you look back to around the same time last year I was probably saying the same thing, last year I failed to get beach presentable and as a result spent most of the time in public sucking in my stomach, I guess this very activity acted as a stomach tightening exercise, but it didn’t really work. Ive been noticing T-shirts riding up my tummy, leaving a small air vent at the bottom, not unpleasant but slightly disconcerting if i’m talking to you when you might be reclining on a sun bed and you would be able to see up my shirt. It as not become a very serious issue just yet, but I feel it could go either way.

The idea of the 2 bit in the 5:2 Diet is to only eat 600 calories or less in a day, 500 if you are a lady. Now I’m the cook at home and my portion control is exactly the opposite, I’m awful and have no idea how much of everything to serve and so we tend to eat more than we should, plus I like IPA, but what you gonna do? So 600 calories for me today, in fact it was less, but i’m not going to boast about it, Not yet.

Omelettes for breakfast; Mrs T with half a field mushroom and half a tomato, mine with half an onion and half a tomato and half a chilli, a few flakes too (they are practically calorie free, so I’m told by the big black box we call the internet). Set me up nicely, kept me going to lunch, then I became aware the I was continually thinking about food, specifically Tangy Toms, the awful corn based snack which gets stuck in your teeth, but, when you get a good mix in the right packet, the flavouring is almost wet on the ball shaped puffs and the planets are truly aligned, Real Bliss and it happens more often than you’d realise, the Tangy Tom eclipse. But I can’t have them, I also can’t have the sea salt and balsamic vinegar M&S Crisps, nor a Subway, nor a bar of Nougat, in fact I can’t have anything, not a pint on the way home with a bag of chilli peanuts sat in the beer garden watching the landlord approach and accost everyone in the pub, his wine glass permanently full with a rainbow of permanently changing wine colours. I had to google low calorie snacks, turns out celery is the “go-to” for me. I bought a bulb of celery and ate 5 on the way home to Mrs T, wiping the residual dirt from the concave side of the celery stalk onto my shorts, I had to give the rest to her, I can’t eat 10 of those every day, I may as well have an apple. I was like a man possessed, this can’t do. Tea, coffee and flavoured teas are all ok as long as milk isn’t used, so I had a black coffee for the first time in years today, meh.

By the time I had taken my daughter to work, got stuck in the rush hour traffic and went shopping, I was feeling faint, and hungry like the wolf, desperate to eat something, something which will tame my growling belly. Prawns, salad, cous-cous and a homemade lime, coriander and chill marinade/dressing was what I cobbled together and I am pleased to say it went down really well.

And all under the 600 for me and also under or there about the 500 for Mrs T. Then we argued with my daughter, searched for beds on the internet and watched the two clowns vie for the Tory party leadership of who is to become Prime Minister to run our country, they couldn’t even become Pie Minister, in charge of choosing Pork Pies, I know what I like Pie wise, but I bet they wouldn’t have a clue, they’d probably choose a tart with a lattice top calling its self a Pie, well I tell you what Hunt n’ Johnson, you wouldn’t stand a chance in the world of the working man with issues, not particularly sensitive ones, the type we’ve all got.

Anyway got some good stuff ,food wise, lined up for breakfast tomorrow which is dreadful boring for you I should imagine, but frightfully exciting for me, and with that I bid you all Good Night and keep on keeping on.

As the Acronym ADIDAS tells us “All Day I Dream About Sausages”

I want you to sing the following replacing the title name for Calorie.

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