FOWC: Newbie



One week Gone and Done,

See all the Newbies come.

That is the song the slightly sinister sunbathers sing as they dance round the pool sarongs held aloft fluttering in the Akayaka breeze. The festival of the sacrificing of the goat has passed and now they must find a new prey. Not many British people come to Akayaka; certainly not many Newbies, just enough for the vampiric tendencies of the “Helliday” makers.

After a week of no coffee when I wake up, the tea here, Liptons, is awful as it is everywhere in the world, what is it about the yellow Lipton tea bags, just shocking. Thus when I travel I prefer coffee, you know where you are with Coffee, an endless maze of opportunity. So 2 days ago, I asked M (the Hotelier, not to be confused with M, the walker), if he had a cafetière, the kitchen cupboards are woefully populated with stuff; the really blunt cutting knife forcing the fresh bread to flatten when carving, about 4 mugs (enough but on the small side) glasses the shape of test tubes and not much larger, this causes the phenomenon of rocket gin. The portion of gin poured is equal or equivalent to the amount of tonic, 1 chunk of ice and a half a slice of lemon together, due to the extreme heat the gin must be drunk quickly to prevent dilution through the melting of the ice cubes, a kind of Global warming in micro scale in a glass. Take heed kids.

Anyway M, told me, no, he didn’t have a cafetière and then 1 minute later gave me one telling me to keep it under my hat; nudge, nudge, wink, wink. With considerable glee I legged it up stairs to brew a pot, hoping against hope the first day of the Ashes would’t be rained off and I could listen to the game totally wired on South Indian (yes you heard correctly, who knew?) ground coffee. I must report these matters back to the Ministry at once.

It occurred to me as the first hit touched my lips and I breathed a sigh of delight, the caffeine taking control of my synapses, Chewy, thats how it tasted and slightly nutty, I’d say. It occurred to me that i’d been going cold turkey over coffee for a week, the irony being that I was in Turkey and it was boiling.

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