Bit of a change from the usual grammatical lexciconograpic fare, I’ve been inspired by N, a senior member of the Ministry, allegedly in charge of humour, which is a lose term for what he gurgitates on a daily basis. I think because it’s so early none of us have our faculties fully together, and the opportunities to zone out on the walk are plentiful, so what supposedly is described as humour sometimes washes over us like a shower of seemingly unconnected random words. Anyway to get back on track N made some soup, a winter soup to warm the cockles.

I had never cooked a soup before and so in exchange for following me I will give to you, my faithful congregation of strays and misfits as well as many thoroughly upstanding members of the community (thats what you say), a recipes for my soup.

The ministry of Soupy soups

First of all: NO EGGPLANT it’s truly awful.

• Wipe down surfaces, please be aware that I am only spelling this out to you because I do not want anyone suing me for cooking with a dirty work surface. If you do cook with a dirty work surface you probably don’t clean your hands after going to the loo, so get a grip and wash your hands you filthy creature.
• Get some winter veg; a turnip, a couple of parsnips, a couple of onions, and some carrots, maybe 4 or 5. Peel the whole lot and set aside.
• Setting things aside to give the impression of this being a complicated recipe, believe me it isn’t but I have a word quota to fill.
• Get a few cloves of garlic and a piece of ginger a couple of chillis too, chop these up roughly and put them aside.
• Take a roasting tray with rapeseed oil and heat it up in an oven, until the red light goes off and the required temperature is reached.
• Regarding the temperature; not too hot, not too cold.
• When the oil is hot in the pan, take it out, use gloves you mentalists. And throw all the veg in, season with S&P.
• Roast these veg for about 45 minutes, if you go over it doesn’t matter, just make sure they have gone softish.
• Next take the veg out and put into a Volcano coloured Le Creuset pan, if you haven’t got one, save up, I’ve had mine for 20 years and is constantly a revelation in the kitchen. Don’t buy Le Creuset Hob top kettles, I haven’t had much luck with those, but thats another story.
• You must be heating all this stuff up in the pan whilst you are doing this, don’t boil, just simmer for about 10 or 15 minutes.
• Take a bag of coriander, its called something else in America, but that isn’t my concern, you’ve made your bed and you’ll have to lie in it, next to Donald Trump. Yuk. Throw in the coriander and 1 litre of nice vegetable stock, repeat, nice vegetable stock. Also put in a spoonful of Curry powder, I chose mild as there’s heat from the chillis.
• Take a blender to the veg, stock and everything in the pan and keep on blitzing the stuff until it is broth like.
• There is a fine line between too watery and not liquid enough, this recipe  works for me so just suck it up and try and work it out for yourself, I’m not holding your hand merely trying to encourage all of you to grow up and experience winter curried soup Shrawley Style!
• Oh, I forgot, I put some tomatoes in to roast too, but the more veg you add, the more tasty it will be and soon you’ll be as healthy as me.

That’s it folks, the soup is lush, you’ll have to use the force where the instructions aren’t clear, which is nowhere incidentally.

Enjoy.