Fuck me, its 3 weeks since the pubs shut down, and I wrote nothing yesterday despite having very little to do. I’ve just signed up for a course at work which will take me 2-3 hours a week, on top of everything else i’m having to do such as sitting down in different spots depending on the direction of the sun, the daily 2 or 3 stints of being in goal while my son smashes a football at me and deciding which mixer i’ll have with my evening gin. I’m thinking to myself if i’ll feel in any way contrite due to my surprisingly rapid descent into lethargy. Will I be able to survive in the real world, when the leaders of this real world start to tell me what I have to do? Have you seen the state of my sock draw?

I’m concerned about the mental health of my dog Benny. He came from Cyprus, initially there was a language barrier, “Ooaahh Ooaahh”, he shouted when he first arrived, after a short while I realised that he meant “Woof, Woof”. He immediately took to the reflections cast by silver cutlery (probably steel or more likely aluminium) onto the ceilings and walls, the colander when removed from the dishwasher casts a disco ball type reflection across the apple green of the kitchen, (we’ve changed it now, the walls are white, the ceiling white and the cupboards grey; the greyification of Frogpool, which I’ve probably mentioned before. Look it up in my blog by reading everything i’ve written before why don’t you).  In the winter we’ed tease him with these “Light Sprites” and also with the “Shadow People” which is the Ying to the Yang of the blade of a knife’s reflection. With both these distractions Benny is fully occupied, never mind a bowl of dry biscuits or a bowl of stale water, come to think of it, I would probably be the same as Benny given the situation he finds himself submerged within. This Spring, as with every other spring, the sun is starting to shine and cast light reflections across the gravel out side the patio doors leading into our pot-holed garden (Benny’s doing) But when the door opens the Light Sprites dance across the gravel silently, only marked by the creak of the oilers hinge. This drives him fucking wild, and as the sun moves westwards around the house, the Light Sprites themselves change the arc of influence in which they run. He runs , jerks this way and that, hiding under the chairs, and sitting fully tensed watching the door for any movement in the breeze for them to manifest themselves once more.

Benny and the Light Sprites

Benny and the Shadow People

These are the two children books I plan to write in the future when all else fails, and the way things are going, referring you to the beginning of this post, they probably will. So the house is tidy but the mind is a shambles, Benny’s mind, not mine, I’m writing this for fucks sake. Someone has to be on the ball.

When the sun goes down, the Light Sprites go inside, and the Shadow People come outside but only taunt Benny for a short time as he battles them in the gravel with his nose. He’ll come inside of course only to face lesser Light Sprites skittering across the ceiling as we go about out cookery. He’s a fucking idiot, but having spent a long time outside with him and my son these last few weeks that I’m considering a move to a padded kennel.

Look these things happen and I can’t do any thing to control the night and the day, but I’ve got the biggest “webinar” in my company’s history to go to tomorrow and so i’d better finish my gin, remember to clean my teeth and remember to mute. Benny can go for a walk in the afternoon.

Do not steal my Light Sprite/ Shadow People Idea, I will hunt you down.