Most of you that know me will understand my insatiable appetite for adventure, loquaciousness, gluttony and empathy or ALGAE, would lead me to take a holiday somewhere different or unusual from where i’d normally reside. This half term I decided to spend time in Tier 2; specifically York.

Being and Tier 1 dweller and not used to the customs, consuetudes and Prexis of such folk you could understand my worry to display docility and respect avoiding the obvious upset which a man from tier 1 may make without understanding, so the long drive up to the north counties led to an  anticipation so sweet that it required a double coating of “Ice Magic” (an Ice Cream topping I still struggle to understand as to why it no longer exists, such was its minty crunchiness)

We travelled to York (from tier 1) with friends (also from tier 1) to the travel lodge/ premier inn (it doesn’t matter, they are all the same, just ok). The issue was that the county we were in didn’t allow groups of 4 to roam with another group of 4, come to think of it, the rule of 6ix applies which means that if you have 2 kids and you wish to meet with another family similarly endowed with the same skills and or luck then 2 will have to go. The Canal, Quarry, hotel bedroom, Primark, Sports Direct, Debenhams, or Greggs are all fine places to control the population. Some jiggery poetry managed to separate us Kids/ Folks for about 2 hours where we saw the future in a place called Spark in York, an open air, indoor but outdoor venue selling street foods and fruity beers which we, aged nearly 50 or nearly 200 years old between us, had to order via the internet and apps and deliveroo and apple pay; not something I’d chose to do, but necessary and actually achievable by someone with the requisite skills of a chap with no real job title, me. The kids playing on their phones, whatever the fucking hell they do, while we chat, and complain about this damn virus and order drink after drink as we’ve got the hang of it all now and then as if we didn’t think it would arise, the kids need feeding. So 2 groups of 4, who can’t dine together unless as a group of 6ix BUT without being inside and so as 2 groups of 4 but not acknowledging those similar looking folks sat on the next table to yourself.

We wore masks, we kept our distance, we ate in our family groups but in the same restaurants, loud talking distance apart, but we didn’t talk, merely raised a glass as we caught the eye of our friend and asked to buy the lady a drink, winking and making that clicking sound with our mouth. Like I’ve said before its a clusterfuck of a shitshow and what we probably require is someone who is prepared to actually stand up and be counted and not worry about their stocks and share. Theres enough money to go round, we just have to spread it a little better. 

So In conclusion, walk the walls, go to the dungeons, unless you’ve done a dungeon tour before, in which case be prepared to see a similar experience. The history was good, the actors were good, we all need to know this sort of stuff, and you’ll realise that when you’re on you’re death bed, or the rack, depending on the time travel situation at that time. The narrow alleyways and restaurants in which you aren’t allowed to meet provide the perfect backdrop to @Earwormrecords where I purchased the only solo Mark Hollis record; which you must buy.

York is Ace, Covid is shit.

And that is what I said to  the defence