All Conveyancers are C(o)unts

I’m probably sticking my neck out here and i’m in no way sorry for my views but I really think that Satan  looks after the conveyancing side of things while God  sits on his arse laughing when he sees the customer squirm and take phone calls and make phone calls to solicitors form the lay-by between Martley and Great Witley, for hours on end over the last 2 weeks.

Yes we are moving house, and yes maybe it might have been slightly impetuous to do so, but putting our self in the firing line of solicitors who really should know better has left my left eye  twitching and my hair thinning. You would have thought, after many decades of human moving house and finding the whole affair massively stressful, that the way the exchanging of the contracts  ultimately leading to completion, might possibly have been chilled out somewhat. In the first world problem that I have of moving from one house to another massively warmer house, the process that we have to go through might have been made to be slightly more organised. It has the air off a big panic, before the “Great Toilet Roll Run” of 2020, when folk were sensible and rational. The solicitors seem to me, to be, utterly insane and totally unreachable, phone wise.

We can exchange, we can’t, 

“Sorry the line is really bad.”

“We just need the signed documents” which I posted, they didn’t arrive OR, the solicitors office didn’t get them.

Which is of course bollocks.

So lets see how it pans out, tomorrow is the last day the solicitors choose ton work, so we’ll see.

This time tomorrow night i’ll either be homeless or living in a house that isn’t completely finished, putting Christmas to the bottom of the pile. 

We don’t even have a tree yet, roll on next week.


  1. I take it “solicitor” is our — in the United States — “lawyer” or “attorney” (and, in the real estate realm, “agent” specifically… most of the time). I have been trying to deal with an attorney, lately. So frustrating. I’m not trying to move; I’m trying to save my mother from losing the home in which she lives.


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