After so many weeks and months of utter flaccidity and boredom to the point of becoming dare i say monotonous I have come upon a radical proposal that the wearing of tracksuit bottoms, and tops and sweatpants (for our friends across the pond) should be banned and any one daring to wear such a trouser should be questioned by the ministry of shrawley walks with the eventual outcome being execution. Unless you are under the age of 35 in which case the sentence is a life of dreary monotonousness where everyone tries to get one up on each other by the number of stripes on their legs. Yes these clothes are comfy but whats wrong with the clothes that existed only a couple of years ago? How can a whole way of dressing be changed almost overnight? Its like the extinction of the primary predators, soon the middle lot proliferate, eat each other and were only left with the insects and the phytoplankton, and tracksuits. Jeans are still pretty comfy, a well made cotton t-shirt floats my boat, but a matching top and bottoms tracksuit in arctic camouflage can go and fuck itself up its own arsehole for goodnesses sake, people get a grip. I stand before you as your fashion patriarch begging you to take control of your own destiny and wear some thing a little different. Denim was the clothing of the manual labourer and cheap, now tracksuits and “comfort” seems to be the uniform of choice because everyone needs to be really comfortable all the time. I don’t remember being that uncomfortable in jeans and a t shirt and it is how I prefer to stay.
How is life so bloody tough that you need to be as comfortable as possible in order to not make an effort to get a job, in order to really stamp your induviduality on the world by looking like everyone else but comfortable, more comfortable than any person has ever been in the history of the world? I don’t wear tracksuits because I am not 50, I’m now right in the middle of the age where I shouldn’t wear tracksuits, in maybe 10 or 15 years i’ll wear a dark coloured loose fitting tracky bot so I don’t show the piss stains of advancing age (bearing in mind not everyone will have such an issue)
In my position as an influencer extraordinare I would beckon you, my faithful following to usurp the tracksuit bottom for tweed and a tie, well maybe not the tie, but some hand darned knit rather than a plastic which will end in land fill, then the oceans, then in fish and then on the sea floor as the fish die because the planet dies because we’ve caught and killed all the fish. Just watched Seaspiracy, and have taken note, no more prawns for me. Or tracksuits, they are an awful attire, even with piping and fleecy hoods, get a grip people, you’ll only end up looking like you’ve come off or are about to enter a porn shoot, which won’t bode well when you try to get a job and all you can say in answer to the question is…
“So Why do you think you are suited for this position?”
“Because i’m comfortable”
“Comfortable in what?”
“In My tracksuit”
“But surely the tracksuit is for partaking in sporting activities?’
“Or sitting on my arse, or going to the shops, or parties, or being out side in public, etc etc”
“Fuck off I want someone who can button up a shirt”
And thats how the interview ended, the tracksuit person didn’t get the job because he/she had no fucking clue about anything in the world, at all, ever!
PS I’m not a Tory