Honestly, you go away for a week or so and get a new phone and all hell breaks lose, passwords everywhere, resetting passwords everywhere, told i’ve got to upgrade my Operating system and finding out i’ve got no space to do such a thing Shit it’s all coming to a head, why didn’t I get a laptop with more memory or storage?

Its been a tough few weeks for no real reason, I think i’m getting a little fed up with the state of the country and the state of the people destroying it from within, like a Holly leaf Miner, you can see the damage from the outside and imagine what its like on the inside but its been done now and will take years to heal from this hateful government’s efforts to destroy bloody everything. But not to worry, I had an appointment to get my car MOT’d this morning. Get there early, given machine coffee to drink, dirty bitter smelling water really, then a meeting on Teams which I spent walking around the car park gesticulating and realising that the company I work for has made like the government and turned into a factory creating widgets and dehumanising the staff, having the last week or so off and filling my self with sunshine and beer has certainly put things into perspective and made me realise that I just need not to care. Head down, do the job well but not to bust a gut, and ignore what they’re doing in the breakout rooms on the top floor, because my job cant really change whatever way they dress things up, i’m just drawing squares. an hour later and i’m told my car has failed the MOT because of some balding tyres, this isn’t a massive issue as I just need to leave Honda, cross the river into Worcester, go to Kwikfit and ask them to sort out the tyres, usually an hours operation, I couldn’t do any work so I went for a coffee, powerful one this time and saw the barista grab her boobs and wave them at a passing street sweeper. 40 minutes passed, drinking coffee, calling friends and nearly choking on nothing, but having to stifle the coughs and splutters in case anyone suspects I’ve got Covid and then stone me round the back of Sports Direct. A call from Kwikfit to let me know they can’t find the locking nut to take my wheels off so i need to go back across the river and back to Honda to borrow a locking nut from their collection, the penultimate one out of the box, standard, then with a warning that i must bring it back I journeyed over the river and back to Kwikfit, to see the boys to trust (advert fans) elevate my car to access the wheels, another 45 minute wait, another walk into town, another stronger coffee and nearly completing the crossword, then back to Kwikfit to get back in my car, drive it over the river back to Honda to give the locking nut back and let the Hondarians tick the box and give the car the all clear. 10 minutes wait and the chap comes out, its failed, the rear tyre is not the same type as the older rear tyre. FFS!  Lo like an echo I ask for the locking nut again, and retrace my steps in the car over the bridge back to Kwikfit, 20 more minutes, a replacement tyre, a heartfelt apology which I didn’t really appreciate after another cup of shitty machine coffee which does little to elevate my mood but merely makes me slightly quivery and a little fidgety. I’m starting to sweat out the excesses from the weekend just passed and to be honest i’m feeling less than pleased. Its just before 1pm when I get back in the saddle, drive over the river via the one way system and feel like i’m in some sort of ridiculous video game, “Tyre Mither”.

I reach Honda, nothing can go wrong; i’ve the right tyres, the locking nut is back in its box, and Honda man tells me the service engineers are going on their lunch, back at 2pm please. A pint would be nice but probably not such a good idea in the situation, it may quell the hangover but I’m not sure if the Honda staff would see it that way and may refuse to give me my car back until the beer passes through me. I really want to get out, and I’ve had far too much coffee, so I go into the Range (an awful shop full of tat and random stuff with no social distancing and a grimy floor). My daughter wants a calendar, but its the wrong time of year and the problem with these not often visited massive warehouse type abominations is the I have no idea where everything is but figure if I can find the art section I can get the job done. I’m past wanting to talk to anyone at this time as the coffee is really giving me the wobbles, so I give up and leave to play solitaire on my phone in the car, in the baking sun, sweating like a bastard. 2pm comes, Ive driven round the massive roundabout again, past the cricket pitch and got stuck behind a double decker for about a mile upto the Honda shop, it never got over about 10mph and was so loud I was getting really cross and shouting indiscriminately at the growling flat back end. Head sore, shoulders bunched up before I took a lefty turn off the main drag back into the Honda street and then into the Honda Shop. I had to give myself a minute and a few under breath “for fucksakes” before i wondered back into the shop, a broken man, no longer happy to crack silly jokes about having my own chair here, no more keen to walk around the show room looking at electric cars than I am watching Les Miserables, which not ironically I really am at this point. Theres 2 old men in the waiting room and they start chatting to each other but ignore me, which makes me feel awful as i’ve much to give but just wishing the red sofas to swallow me up as I mindlessly scroll through the same twitter pages over and over again. Another 25 minutes of mental in fighting and the Honda man comes across to me, rather coyly, and hands me the keys and the MOT certificate, nothing was said apart from a mumble form me and I hightailed it out. Started the car and sped off into the countryside. Sweating and utterly defeated by the days events. What should have been a relatively painless operation turned out to be an 8 hour journey into the heart of darkness. 

I’m now going to go and lie down in a darkened room and see if the coffee will allow me to sleep, I suspect not, in which case you may hear from me later.