In order to quash all rumours and quell any suspicions the company held an company wide emergency meeting this morning to tell us all that everything was fine and we had surpassed many targets in the first 2 financial quarters and were looking forward to the challenges of the second half of the year. I missed this emergency meeting but having taken advice from my team of lawyers (my children) they told me to get another bloody job. Which, regular readers may recall, is impossible as I am institutionalised. Unless I go through some sort of training programme, which unless it involves a swimming pool, cold beer and hot weather, then I’m not interested. I’m happy to “look forward to the challenges of the coming year” for sometime yet it seems.

In other news I was in Tewkesbury today for the first time in about 4 years, I refused to go back after the closure of my favourite sandwich shop, which has now been refilled with a substantially worsened version, better than Greggs obviously, but it ain’t no 1747 (can’t remember the name, thats the age, you’ll understand when you get to my age young bucks) The had proper baguettes, but a lack of pate’, a dearth of salami and fresh meat, and precious little cheese, a few salad leaves; not from their garden, and the water was £2 in some slightly stiffened bottle, which constitutes the extra £1.50 I suppose. Water is free from rocks and the money men and lazy companies who lazily try to profit from our laziness and stupidity by selling us water for over 50p should try and seal themselves up in some aquifer, let the water run out and then see where they stand when we (the folk who were ripped off previously) then charge them £2 for a bottle, when they haven’t worked for a while and so the money wasn’t coming in. Their bosses wondering where the sales people were and the whole water industry evaporates in on itself when people realise that water from rocks with added lemon or raspberry or mint is nice, and free if you have the money to get said ingredients or the eye of the fruit thief, the scrumper.

So only spend the minimum on water, where entirely necessary, drink from the taps, we’ve got a great purification system here, and mix in some other stuff, or better still go and queue at the leaking rocks with all the other water collectors creating a Sunday morning fracas on the hills as folk complain as to how many water containers they fill up. It’s just like the petrol shortages but it doesn’t run out, or at least hasn’t for a few thousand years anyway, and so therefore we don’t need to make too much of a fuss about it. 

Sleep well water lovers.