Corporate Codswallop

This week I’ve got several on line conferences at work, the type where they tell you what the company is doing going forward but offer little context as to how it affects yours truly. They are apparently compulsory unless you have an appointment elsewhere, so I arranged for one in a free car park next to the river in Hay on Wye. Useful future parking info for the odd visit myself and Mrs T might make there in the future, great place to launch a canoe too and had I any money for a midlife crisis I would surely get one. So instead of sitting in front of a screen,  camera off and mic muted as I potter around in the kitchen brewing coffee and procrastinating from filling in my CPD form (i’ve got until Monday to make a ton of shit up) I thought I’d takje a change from what I am meant to be doing this week and take my little bit of variation early doors. I’ve still 3 days left of this rubbish, although Friday is a half day. 

Texting my friends at work on our secret whats app group on my private phone I was met with the most wonderless spread of PowerPoints, made ever more nauseating from the norm by including shit power ballads and coloured animations as the power point dragged onwards into the future, blurring the jargon with the acronyms and the pie charts and Catherine wheels so as to mean absolutely nothing really, and left us wondering if anyone in the business does any work, I mean useful stuff which can be used by punters to continue on their way forward into life, seems to me that the people who put together these presentations are high; their face masks soaked in Acid as they sit on the floor like toddlers surrounded by felt tips and scatter cusions form the break out sofas (of which there are a few at my head office)

Monday was a real low for presentations with senior managers creaming themselves over what we’ve told the customer we can do, and then us; the staff, watching the screens mouths agape with dribble falling amongst the letters on our keyboards as we realise the enormity of the task in the years ahead, desperately trying to save the relevant bits so as we don’t fall fowl of some sort of managerial testing question next week at our first group meeting for about 6 months. Monday was dull as dish water, Tuesday by all accounts was like a bad trip. Can’t wait to see what Wednesday looks like. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s