I wake up at 3 for a piss, and then, assuming its all gone, assume that i’ll be sleeping another 3 hours, but (you’ll understand when you get to my age) I’ll need another at about 5am. In my mind and in my terrible piss planning I should probably not drink anything after about 9pm, the night before.

Last night Wim Hoff, made a real impression on me on the telly, and so after watching him disarming the celebrities using only the power of his voice and the looseness of his clothing I said to my self that maybe I should try the breathing thing, and so being awake at a ridiculous time felt a dream fog conviction that I should try the breathing thing. I was relaxed anyway, so started to breathe in and out, deeply, and then holding my breath (google it, its all there and very simple). Reckon I did it for about 40, 45 minutes but without a referee there or a watch I couldn’t be sure, using only the shade of the light permitting the blinds and the sound of the chaffinch to measure the time elapsed. But a strange thing happened. My arms and hands began to tingle, I had three vivid “visions” where I completely forgot what I was doing; One was about sweeping the floor, not as dull as it seemed, one was about dampness (not sure what sort) the last was about My Mum not being comfortable with Dad’s ashes where they are and them falling through the floor, kind of dissolving the floor below them. I stopped then, and basked in my contented state. Just looking forward to the cold shower…

An hour later i’m stood underneath the shower head, warm water cascading over my age ravaged, but not past redemption, body, psyching myself up to turn the temperature anticlockwise, to the tundra. Did it once, but not far enough and for 30 seconds spent my time in the tepid cold, thinking that this isn’t too bad and I could probably nail this, but then realising that this isn’t nailing it, it’s filling it (my body) and you can’t kid a kidder, so I repsyched and turned it, fully cold, iceberg cold, glacier cold. I was under so couldn’t move off, or wouldn’t do so. The cold was cold, but only 15 seconds so, and so and so. Tomorrow it’ll be 30 elephants.