Do you mind just buggering off, I’m having a blow job in my office on top of the thankfully laminated new “sexual conduct within the house of commons” bill. Otherwise what would people think?

The Carefree ambidextrous Nature of the Prime Minister to fuck people off to the left and the right is truly astonishing, and like some sort of cultish leader, like a badly political David Koresh, he seems to adese the party faithful to him, glued with a kind of revolting Spermatozoic Gel, Dorries gazing with glazed eyes in wonder at him with it dripping off her chin, Truss and Raab open mouthed  full of Bribe Jizz, the jizz that reminds them they have done something terrible which their leader told them they would be punished for, but a long time ago, long enough to have forgotten what it was and long enough ago to realise that they are so unsure of their future they tremble like a Jizzy Jelly at a swingers party. To Patel they have to reach into the darkest depths of the 8 circles of hell as she spends her time on a Ouija board drinking blood and talking to Pol Pot and Stalin; Purge Purge Purge. Schapps, wondering if he could rebrand himself as a copycat tonic water and ginger ale producer, selling it online and then scarpering after he’s got the orders but before he sends the stuff off. Mogg, who will stand firm because they once sucked each other off in Eton, although both used their teeth too much.  The politicians who are standing behind this man who, let’s not forget, defends sexual harassment within the houses of parliament, and indulges in Fellatio within his office (I would if I could) and yet displays and assumes the tenacity to carry on. Forcing us, the public, baying for blood to continually cover ourselves with the Jizz of Johnson to regard the news hour upon hour, waiting for the money shot. Its sad and I wish he’d fucking go, he’s ruined the reputation of the country, he’s taken us out of Europe making trade with our cousins expensive and prohibitive, and he’s put that massive prick Jacob Rees Mogg in charge of Brexit opportunities when he wouldn’t realise one if it wasn’t leather bound and in Hereford Cathedral’s Chain Library, and I’m hoping that our Herefordshire friends wouldn’t let him in and tar and feather him according to the punishment he would probably serve on the victim.

And so where does this leave us all? A  Cabinet of politicians who long ago stopped caring about what we, the public, their constituents, thought of them. Months ago, they realised that everything they stood for would be governed by “Big Dog” the blonde haired fopp, capable of fathering a child but incapable of actually being a father. I really hope he disappears form public life this week, I can do without his ever encompassing smirk over the people who are struggling, and I wonder why people would vote for a man like him who for the last year or so has spent the time covering up his own wrongdoings, instead of helping the country in the crisis we find ourselves in. He’s vile and deserves to be imprisoned and to have his knob cut off and encased in a sheath of chalcedony and placed in the British Museum under the title “The Ruiner of Britain”