I’ve volunteered for something at work, not a champion of change as they say, or a people leader (a ridiculous title, we’re not in North Korea and I refuse blankly to recognise the phrase) This is different and i’ll tell you for why. We have a ridiculous questionnaire at work, 6 times a year asking us with loaded questions how we find career progression, if we prefer our managers to be totally fucking useless, and why would we want our pay to keep up with inflation while the HR Director smiles and winks at us from her Audi X10000000 car. And of course nothing ever comes from this fact finding, it’s a box ticking exercise at best, we know they couldn’t give a shit, and now we don’t give a shit. And the issue manager,ent has now is to persuade the experience to turn up. Because at the moment I’m far more interested in walking my dog than balancing a ball on my nose for the corporation. And I’m not the only one. With little to shout about, little to celebrate, papers and reports in a state of flux being allowed to imbricate on my desk, causing family members to check my desk for items lost, just because it looks to be a likely hiding place.

Anyway, this questionnaire we have to answer every 2 months is now an excuse to rant anonymously, but even better than that, the company has asked for several volunteers to collate and present the bile and vitriol to managers. This is what I have volunteered for, in meetings occasionally I get cross and gobby and usually when new senior managers are there, this, I have been told, will earn me a mark in these fuckers notebooks, someone to look out for, someone with an opinion, how very dare me. The last meeting, in Cardiff, this week had me meeting my new senior manager, for the first time, and getting a bit gobby regards pay, empathy, hardware, software, overtime, hell, even procurement. At least I can get a new works coat when I need one, which is more often as it’s the only perk, and my family need to keep warm in this cost of living crisis, which my salary is lagging sadly behind…

So I have a new position, in which I can officially call my directors cunts, on behalf of the rest of us mugs, if they realise what they have done then maybe not, but I doubt they will.