I’ve chosen Red, White and Rose as well as a selection of Cooking ales this Christmas, Mum is bringing the Champagne and Chocolates to avoid a diplomatic incident as my daughter is not a fan of Prosecco. My son is cool as an icicle and will be supping on water unless someone goes to the shops, AGAIN, to get some small cartons of Apple juice, a larger replica poured into a glass is obviously the work of a sorcerer and fizzy drinks are the work of the devil, my son is 14 and I’m so pleased and frankly astonished he doesn’t touch the sugary stuff.

Remembering when Father Christmas took away his milk bottle aged about 5, we then presented him with a cup of milk; so began the milk war of attrition which continues to this day, compensated by pouring ridiculous amounts of milk into his cereal. 

Thankfully myself and Mrs T are totally sane, and keep the train on the tracks.