Jan 25th, 2018

fullsizeoutput_1028Hello woodland folk, today’s walk yielded rich pickings to say the least, lets see if i can convey this across to you without myself reading it back to myself and feeling nauseous (I never re-read and edit, this is up to you, faithful guilty correctors, you know who you are, there’s one in particular i’m thinking of!)

Today there was no rain and the birds were singing loudly as we took one of the kids back into the house just before the bus came to wash him down after a potentially “having to drive into school instead” fall. When these happen, little is made of the incident publicly due to the potential of the morning’s plan being turned on its head. Thankfully the young chap is made of stern stuff so all was as normal.

Discussion today involved an idea for a new ISO scale for drill bits. I need a hole drilled through my wall, all the way through, and this requires a long drill bit. Mistakedly I mentioned  needing a wider bit, this was immediately picked up upon by N mentioning i would need a longer bit, to which C announced that drill bits should be measured in girth. Well, you can imagine the hilarity that followed for a good few minutes, N mentioned he saw Motley Crue in 1989, that was the tour when Tommy Lee was sent out into the audience on a suspended drum kit which in turn turned upside down. The Motley Crue film is coming out soon, then unsurprisingly drill bits re-surfaced and it was suggested maybe they could be measured according to the measurement of the members (literally) of the rockers. Such as the Tommy, the Vince or the Nikky Bits.

Dance of the Day:

You’ve heard of Jazz hands, you’ve heard of Jizz hands, now why not try Shizz hands?, a mix of Jizz and Shit Hands (Eugh);  a really vigorous hand shaking, more so than just Jizz hands… for the real method expert.

Finally we had a shoe lace accident, always a sad occasion. This time it was M who was delayed coming in for coffee, leading D and N to ponder his whereabouts. Forlornly M entered minutes later holding a shoe lace, short, flaccid and useless.

Thank god I had no idea what size to lace to buy when I had a similar predicament, so much so that I had to leave Timsons under a cloud of indecision (the laces were really expensive and I didn’t want to waste my money on ill fitters). I decided to buy a drink (pint more than likely) and plan my next strategy, so after buying the “I” realised I needed a biro to do the crossword and made my way to the £-shop (they’ve got packs of 10 there for just £1). Well stone me if there wasn’t a multipack of assorted laces, not just in length but also in colour and maybe dare i say it in girth (hadn’t occurred to me until now). Anyway the pleasing result was that M ended up with some splendid yellow and brown striped laces for his boots. I’m sure i’m not alone when I say I can’t wait to get a peep at them slabs of meat (feet).

Tune in tomorrow for photos of M’s feet, a world exclusive no less

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