Happy Valentines or should I say Happy Ash Wednesday, the walk started today with a chat, slightly outside the box and toe curling. One of those things that make you go Eeeeoooww, Ow! M told us he was chatting to someone last night whose daughters talked him into letting them clear his nose hairs. Now as any man of a certain age realises, and if you don’t, you’ll understand when you get to my age, that the hair within the ear and the nose (Eoliage and Noliage respectively) suddenly starts to grow, probably to fill up the space created as the relative appendages also expand. Nose and Ear carry on growing until death, we all know this. Anyway, these daughters proposed waxing the fuck out of the nose hairs. A tissue, twirled to form a probe, and coated in a hot waxy gloop, is inserted into the Nostril, left to dry and then….well fucking carnage, i’d imagine you can imagine.
It also turns out that Record Breakers still exists, and indeed is on at school time, but is only watched by parents who ask, when a kid comes home to watch whatever rubbish, usually american teen sitcoms, if theres anything else on, with this change of channel inevitably Child walks out leaving parent watching BBC1 and Record Breakers. News is, its shite, Noris McWerter is not a part of it neither is Roy Castle. Records are not broken by people with really long fingernails or ear hair any more but by blue peter type presenters trying to do as many star jumps as possible in a minute, these people are groomed to break many records. The peculiar people aren’t given a chance any more.
Valentines cards, we send and receive, in fact some of us have rituals, but what i find really interesting is the link between the valentine and other things. Valen-tine, a tine is a prong on a fork and fact of the day produced by N, is a fork lift trucks forks are called Tines.
Regrettably M stirred the coffee with a fork.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me out, this one has for a long time apparently, N said so, I can’t believe it myself but daren’t say it to his face.
Happy Valentines folks