April 3rd 2018

To quote a friend from many moons ago when he went to the toilet smashed out of his head on Ketamine, and was trying to pull the light cord switch;

“It’s all kicking off in here!”

I go away for 3 walks (the adults equivalent of a child’s 3 sleeps) and the wood is metamorphosing into this beautifully rich springtime behemoth. The Wooden Enemies are out due to the rain, I betcha in a week we’ll have carpets of the stuff. And more importantly we have tadpoles!!! See the photo, soon their numbers will diminish as they are picked off one by one by the hunters of the woods, and the similar tale of only the strongest surviving will be told, that’s evolution, natural selection. There’s hundreds of tiny tadpoles in the few puddles upon the main drag in the woods, you’d have thought maybe they would find somewhere quieter to grow; to avoid the boots of the puddle jumpers which seem to populate the woods in the holidays and the weekends, from this time of the year onwards.

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The Star Wars chaps and ladies are still where they were although we didn’t have time to check all were present and correct, the register was interrupted by taking a different route, the holiday route. Straight up and out at the top end of the village, for coffee at N or M’s house, at this time of year C is child minding so can not get out at the correct time. Hoping you read this C as it’ll allow you to keep abreast of the developments woodwise, and thus avoid any awkward questions about the flora, fauna or installations when you return, I believe Friday will be the next time we see you.

The conversation turned to world war one and N came up with this gem;

“A Guest Undisputed Fact of the Day”

In WW1 the music which circuses use to introduce the acts; roll up roll up, etc was originally used to inspire pride in the Germans as their tanks rolled onto the battle field.

Also 2 happenings have occurred, equally both as important:

a) Painted Rocks have been found, or should I say a painted rock has been found on the way up into the woods at the top end of the village. A real thrill to find it for M and N, they took a photo and I was able to identify the wall it was on, so bonus points all around. Theres an awful lot of stuff going on right now!

b) A crow scarer has divided the village into those who live near it and those who don’t. It is made from a gas canister which shoots off a loud bang 3 times in a row every 15 minutes from 8:30 in the morning to 8:30 at night. This is causing several of my neighbours to really kick off, its disturbing the baby, disrupting a bloke’s concentration while he’s working from home. I hear it and thought it was quite late for it to be banging off, but it doesn’t worry me. When we returned from Norfolk yesterday, an elderly neighbour and his son came around to try and drum up support from close by dwellers to complain to the farmer. The owner of the field has refused top do anything as a farmer leases the field off them and so it is not for them to do anything. They are notoriously difficult to communicate with and think the world owes them a favour, think they rule the bloody village. Anyway this elderly neighbour and his son have been ringing the field owner up every time the crow scarer fires off a charge! They rang every 15 minutes for 3 1/2 hours until the lord and lady of the village (not) called the police! Apparently this is harassment! Stay tuned for more developments in this typically rural story.

Laters, Ive got haircuts to organise, parcels to post, trainers to buy and films to watch, not to mention bathrooms to destroy, food to buy and cook and kids to mind.

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