What to expect?
Ok it’s not a word, it’s a small question, but as I have mentioned on many occasions, it’s my blog and so it’s my rules (apart from the Bosses at A-Z towers). And lets face it if they want to punish me, well, they’ll have to catch me first, and this time tomorrow i’ll be sipping cheap watered down lager in a Butlins in Minehead (google it; my other than UK dwelling friends) Damn, cover blown I must practice the anonymous thing a little more. My teacher would say “Needs work”
Before I had actually met any of my Biotribe, I had plenty of time to think about who they might be and what they may be like. I had no preconceptions about any of this, it really was a massive journey into the complete unknown and I had no idea. I read articles telling me that meeting their Biofamily was the best thing they had ever done and they questioned them selves as to why they hadn’t done this earlier on in life. Out pouring of woe and regret might have followed but then the realisation that there is absolutely no point in whinging about the past as nothing can be done about it. On the other hand some people seem to have the complete opposite view that actually meeting their Biofamily or parts of was the worst thing they have ever done and it had ruined their life. It seems in some cases the unknown is better than the known and the unanswered questions are often best left unanswered.
But for the mind, the inquisitive mind it seemed the obvious next step to keep the ball rolling. How is it possible to cease a search once one reaches the point of no return? To close all channels with agencies trying to help and to call off the official search.
In my case I literally could not stop, my mind had been awakened to the situation I was in and the boulder was gathering pace as it barrelled down the hill; there was no stopping it until it either reached flatter more level ground or it smashed into a wall, or off a cliff. The last two options didn’t seem preferable and so I think I was hoping that all would be well, the ground would flatten out. Logically or illogically I had been thinking to myself along the lines of what could possibly go wrong? And when I look back now, I realise that potentially a lot could have. Problem is, and any men will probably understand this, in fact women are probably also familiar with men being familiar with it; once you reach the point of no return… theres not much you can do about it!
My view of what to expect was soon obscured by when to expect it and how soon, the machine really gained speed once started, like a dragster at Santa Pod, quickly reaching the finish line in record speed. The driver then got out after breaking the track record and shared champagne and cigars with his team mates in a flush of nervous excitement. The next day he drove home in a new car, provided by the sponsors at a more sedate pace, but once that race was won, his life had changed forever.
My life has changed forever in an amazing and brilliant way, and after a lot of initial excitement I think myself and my new Biofamily are all probably still trying to find the most comfortable way to relate with each other, the genie is out of the bottle, and it’s no bad thing at all!
Right tomorrow and saturday I’m at my son’s footy tournament down on the coast of Somerset. The weather forecast, as ever is utterly shite. And it’s X tomorrow, give me strength! Thanks for reading if you are still there.