FOWC: Wise


FOWC: Wise

For this I must take no credit, but the first thing that came to me, and it came to me immediately was the penultimate line,

“Who art though who is so wise in the ways of science?”

I use this line fairly often and I think this, “The Holy Grail” is a very fine piece of writing.

So thanks Monty P, the world is a far richer place for your interpretations. Everything after this is not mine and so don’t sue me for spreading the love!


Crowd: A witch! A witch! A witch! We found a witch! We’ve got a witch! A witch! A witch! We have found a witch. May we burn her?
– How do you know she is a witch
– She looks like one.
– Bring her forward.
– I’m not a witch! I’m not a witch !
– But you are dressed as one.
– They dressed me like this. – No, we didn’t.
– And this isn’t my nose. It’s a false one.
– Well? – We did do the nose.
– The nose? – And the hat. But she is a witch !
– Did you dress her up like this? – No, no!
– Yes. A bit.
– She has got a wart.
– What makes you think she’s a witch?
– She turned me into a newt!
– A newt?
– I got better.
– Burn her anyway!
– Quiet! Quiet!
– There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
– Are there? What are they? Tell us. – Do they hurt?
– Tell me, what do you do with witches?
– Burn them!
– And what do you burn, apart from witches?
– More witches! – Wood!
– So why do witches burn?
– ‘Cause they’re made of wood? – Good!
– How do we tell if she is made of wood? – Build a bridge out of her.
– But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
– Oh, yeah.
– Does wood sink in water?
– No, it floats. – Throw her into the pond!
– What also floats in water?
– Bread. – Apples.
– Very small rocks. – Cider! Great gravy.
– Cherries. Mud. – Churches.
– Lead. – A duck!
– Exactly.
– So, logically–
– If she weighs the same as a duck…
– she’s made of wood.
– And therefore?
– A witch!
– A duck! A duck! – Here’s a duck.
– We shaIl use my largest scales.
– Burn the witch !
– Remove the supports!
– A witch!
– It’s a fair cop.
– Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?
– I am Arthur, king of the Britons.

Then he bows and says,

“My Liege”



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