August 21st 2018


Its all kicking off in here!! I go away for 2 weeks and all hell breaks loose!

A new Lego man (not a cheap fake) has appeared (minus the hat/hair piece, it is a small point but one that must be raised, who ever has done this is messing with things they don’t understand;

We plant the Lego people, Someone steals the Lego people (75% probability of being a juvenile), then we replace the Lego people.

Then Someone steals the Lego People, and then we replace the Lego People,

Then someone steals the Lego People, and then we replace the Lego People….

It just goes on and on, it’s a vicious or a virtuous circle depending upon which side of the fence you sit. Someone may be twisting my/our melons man, could this be an inside job? Could the Ministry be cracking under the strain of the summer holidays? We need to be strong, to consolidate and to stand proud and apart from any interlopers.

There is also a massive painted stone which I could see from at least 10 metres away, the sentiment of “Share the Love” is admirable but I can feel the anonymity of the ministry being challenged by the anonymity of a rogue art terrorist, slowly being eroded away like a rock in the desert, buffeted by winds for millennia, except this is just for a couple of weeks and no names have been revealed. We may have to go under cover to discover the gatecrashing alien.

The woods are changing, I can feel the metamorphosis, the black berries are out, not yet reduced to a dry sticky mess of cobwebs and bleeding berries, ransacked by the birds, then the arachnid and then the birds, with the humans somewhere within the series plundering the bushes for the sweet fruits to grace their crumbles. A tip for anyone eating blackberries from the bush, don’t pick the low ones as that is where the dogs urinate, and you do not want to suffer  a slow and painful death by dog piss, if there is such a thing.

Just remember in the wrong hands the woods can be a deathtrap, if you insist on trampling around our empire, please consider taking an expert with you, someone such as Ray Mears, or Bear Grylls, either would be sufficient but I’d err on the side of Mears; much less of a sell out, content in his own company i’d say. But I don’t want to fall out over any of this so either is good, our indeed any of the non-celebrity survivalists would do, but don’t get your selves involved with the Flat Earther’s, they are patently insane!!


It was good to see the crew today, and felt fresh and new to be in the woods, would you believe we saw a little froglet, presumably one of the cousins of the tadpoles which perished on the main drag through the woods this late spring, next year we will have put in place such measures to save the little critters, such as a massive hose snaking around the woods. This of course will need investment, but did I mention the Ministry won big on the National Lottery last weekend? £25 big ones; yes £6.25 each which we are going to sink into various philanthropic projects, the first to instal a tadpole irrigation tapping system (TITS).

It seems all we needed to win the lottery was the touch of our lady C. Thank you C. Onwards and upwards seems the only way to go!


And here’s the little fella, a wooing as he goes, obscured by grass and clover, could be the title of a lost Pink Floyd album, or maybe not.

So thats me; its great to be back, really it is, and to top it all it was my first day back at work today. I met my colleague for a catch up  coffee and bacon sarnie, on brown, naturally. Turns out the shit is permanently splattering from the fan in all directions and I found my self thinking that I really care far more about my blog and my home life than I do about my work. This is how many people feel of course, but I used to really love my job, its kind of creative and kind of mathematical, geometrical if you like, it made me think and problem solve and I always felt I was doing something for the greater good. Nowadays, especially after a brilliant holiday, I’m beginning to see the company for what it is becoming, some massive factory, trying to squeeze the maximum out of the staff for very little reward, for fucks sake, I earned nearly as much from selling shit on ebay than I did from my bonus last year. Selling shirt on ebay is far more satisfying, truly satisfying!

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