Problem is, and there always are, if you leave it for too long, in this case 2 days and a bit, the lifetime experiences mount up and leave me with a difficult choice; do I
a) Write a comprehensive comprehension of what I got up to over the last few days?
b) Add a load of photos and get up to date, a picture is worth a thousand words (so you’d get about 20000, which is a Novella and i’m not sure of the interest in what I did at the weekend type Novellas)
c) Just write what I remember and you may or may not get a feel for it, which shouldn’t really bother me or indeed you the reader, after all you probably only stumbled upon this pile looking for good walking routes. How wrong you were!
The family spent the weekend at the summer residence of the Queen of England, Sandringham (it may be the winter residence but its one of her massive palaces which we, the tax payer, fund. Guess what? Didn’t even see the place, the grounds are huge, absolutely massive; deciduous and conifer forests running down to the Wash (Norfolk) and stretching god knows how far inland. I think its safe to say she owns an enormous estate, and she drives around it in a battered old Landy, sometimes. Lets just say, she’s got infinitely more class than Mr Trump with his helicopters and massive crassness. She was, in the words of Lady Gaga, “Born this way” theres not a lot she can do about it, except swan around her little piece of England shagging the woodsmen and stable lads (allegedly, I doubt she reads this, however I am being followed by Steve McFadden’s cold war on Twitter, so maybe…)
We took a walk, amongst the woods and wearing shorts got bitten to death by midges, which are like mosquitos which live in the UK, they always apologise after biting you and have a fondness for tea and Victoria sponge. So I spent the walk bending over scratching and slapping my war torn legs, walking fast to get out of the incessant apologising bugs, my son running to keep up, and my wife, daughter and in-laws way behind. I’m sorry I just could not stand the pain.
As an aside, just as I remember, I went into the lounge tonight and saw how brilliant the picture on the telly is of late, it must be in high definition. Mrs T reminded me that it has always been like this and it must be due to my new varifocal spectacles. Well readers, I kid you not, this being able to see lark is not such a bad idea. I advise all folk who have trouble seeing to make haste and rush to your nearest optician, screw the varifocal stigma, get yourself some glasses, change the shape, go wild! People will laugh, maybe but you’ll be able to see the shite that is on the telly finally.
I also had some blackberry ripple Sandringham special Ice cream, only 1 scoop, i’m not an animal and this physique don’t look after itself! We failed to buy rather over-priced artisan gin at the gift shop and all the local ales there, although Mini-D (my son not a mini digger) did manage to get money off myself and Mrs T to get himself some sweets.
Autumn is stretching its fingers , dampening the foliage and adjusting the colours, turning up the contrast soon to reveal a spectacular palette of reds, yellows, oranges and greens. It is without a doubt a great season.
Benny the dog had his first visit to the seaside, only about 20 minutes drive from the in-laws, which he managed to negotiate without puking up all over the car. This is an unfortunate habit he has and now he doesn’t seem to trust me when I give him food thinking it laced with dog travel drugs. Lightweight, I’d take double what he took and run a mile.
I dare not let him off the lead yet on the beach as there is far too much distraction at this time of year with a warm breeze and the sun out. If anybody remembers the,”Fenton, oh Jesus Christ” youtube video.
In my case “Benton, Benton, oh Jesus Christ!” as he would run across the beach to chase someone else dog and off into the woods, never to be seen again.
Incidentally, and this can be your fact of the day, those beach huts, no bigger than a normal sized garden shed can sell for £100000 and, would you believe, upwards! British people eh?
Thats your lot, what I did at the weekend, by D (ministry of shrawley walks) Think I’ll have a look t Fandango tomorrow, I’m struggling to get back into the swing of school life and no holidays again. Night night all.